Climate Change... in my body

comedy video with wardrobe malfunction

I’m a dichotomy.

I get cold easily due to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (a side effect of the disease even when the blood work is normal) and I become dehydrated and out of breath if the temperature outside is over 80 degrees. (Menopause? Age-related? Don’t know why this occurs.) The Thyroid disease issue is common. If you ever see someone (usually a woman) shivering in the produce aisle at the supermarket she might have Hypothyroid disease or the autoimmune version like me, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. (Other causes of forever-frosty: Reynaud’s syndrome, low B12, Diabetes, Anemia, Arterial disease, living in Antarctica…)

Summer is my least favorite season. Fellow Substacker

Skylar Renslow

feels the same way. He posted a Note about it—

He’s my brother from another mother.

I’m uncomfortable outside but it’s even worse indoors. Air conditioning set to freezing temperatures in every office building and grocery store is as American as baseball. I’m the one in the freezer section wearing a cardigan and scarf, blowing into my cupped hands for a nano second of warmth.

I’ve been the recipient of a few comments regarding my layers:

“A sweater? It’s 85 degrees outside.”

Which makes me want to say, “It’s 60 indoors and aren’t you lucky you don’t have a disease that makes you cold all the time.”

I’ve actually never responded that way. Instead, I might reply with a “Thank you for letting me know it’s hot outside.”

Shorts

The only shorts I own are cropped pants. They hit the ankle with a tender drape. Athletic socks and closed toe shoes are my go-to foot jackets otherwise if I wear a trendy sandel, my exposed toes turn a shade of dark pink that don’t match any of my clothes because, well, pink never compliments brown hair and eyes. There is a song about popsicle toes¹, it doesn’t have anything to do with Thyroid disease.

My cold feet are about as sexy as a cadaver in bed. I have an old friend who slept in so many layers her hubby said it was like breaking into Fort Knox. I prefer layering blankets. Needless to say, my wardrobe is heavy on winter wear. I do have a couple of summery knee length skirts that I bought on sale ten years ago. I’ve worn them in Europe where the heat wave is indoors too. If America is excessively generous with a/c, Europe is downright stingy. Electricity is expensive on that ancient continent. I remember asking the waiter eight times for an ice cube for my water. The Frappuccino at a Paris Starbucks was luke warm. Even so, when I returned home, I was at a loss as to why my homeland wastes an exorbitant amount of energy on extreme air conditioning.

“(A/C) consumes 10% of global electricity and leaks harmful planet-warming gases into the atmosphere.” (Thanks, Google.) Believe me, I love a/c, I just think refrigerating homes and office buildings is excessive.

Me all year ‘round.

One blistering August day in Miami, there to help my kids move into an apartment before starting their second year at the University, we stopped at their favorite coffee house for a treat. It was so cold in this café that the proprietors handed out blankets to their patrons. This did not make sense to me. Call me crazy.

Hubby Jeffrey would call me crazy and has.

It’s usually men who wear shorts here in Western Washington the second the temperature reaches 55 degrees and it doesn’t matter if it’s as wet as Big Bog, Hawaii. When we lived in Massachusetts Jeffrey loved getting the morning paper (remember that?) outside barefoot. He also introduced me to his favorite camera store in Great Barrington where the owner prided himself on wearing shorts year-round. Yes, reader, he wore shorts in snowy weather. He told us there were just two days he wore pants in his adult life – under duress for a family member’s wedding and during the blizzard of 1978. Guys, what’s your secret? I know-- Muscle mass, metabolic rate and body fat are the main reasons. But I wonder if there’s something left over from the hunter/gatherer days.

Here’s Jeff and I if we were cave people:

Me—It’s too cold to discover farming.

Jeff—No worries. I’m sweating my skin off in this cave. I’ll go explore the tundra, cool off, maybe go ice fishing—in my shorts.

Me—What are shorts?

Jeff—They’re like a loincloth.

Me— Uch. That’s so neanderthal.

In case you didn’t know, I wrote and starred in an award-winning one woman show many years ago. I loved playing comedic characters. I’m at it again, creating one-woman comedy video content. Here’s one to compliment this piece and give you an example of what it’s like in the Steefel house (also posted on IG):

Thanks for reading and watching!

1.        Are you always hot? Cold?

2.        Do you have a/c or heat wars with your partner or roommate?

3.        Do you work in a refrigerator?

4.        Do you always ask the waitress to turn up the a/c like me?

1. Popsicle Toes was a song first recorded by Michael Franks. Diana Krall has a wonderful cover from 1999.