Most kids are punished if they run into the street or steal candy. I was reprimanded if I ogled a celebrity. And growing up in Los Angeles there were many encounters.
My mom was the disciplinarian. “What did Henry Winkler discover? You think the Fonz1 doesn’t stink up the bathroom like your father?”
She ingrained in me the people to admire— Inventors, scientists but when it came to celebrities, she was an unsung-hero supremacist.
She made sense. What was there to admire about a pampered movie star? There’s certainly nothing one can learn from Sally Field playing Sybil except that she could do 16 voices and accents besides pretending to be a flying nun.2
And someone thought this was important for people to know—
Harrison Ford rides the NY subway. It garnered almost 300,000 likes. I commented, “He farts too!”
When I was hired to guest star on Seinfeld, I needed to remain cool and casual on set so I thought of my mom’s words about celebrity bathroom adventures. Here’s what I decided—
Kramer would leave Toilet Paper strewn everywhere.
George would freak out when he accidentally made the toilet overflow.
Jerry would use disinfect spray and Binaca, and
Elaine would still be asking for a square. (Remember the episode, Spare a Square?)
My daughter got a taste of my upbringing
When Samantha was 13 my mom visited us in Boston and they planned a girl’s weekend, with my mom escorting Samantha back to NY with her. At the local train station which had no more than two tracks my mom needed help finding the correct one.
“Excuse me, sir. Excuse me! Sir!” She called out after a guy, racing by, wearing a baseball cap. He turned and my mom said, “Do you know which track goes to New York?”
“No, I don’t. I just came from NY. So maybe it’s on the other side.”
And baseball cap scurried away.
Samantha reeled. “Grandma! Do you know who that was?”
“Who?”
“Steve Carell.”
“Who?”
“‘The Office?’”
“What office?”
“He’s on the TV show.”
“So what? You think he doesn’t stink up a bathroom?”
Mom lives by her own rules
One afternoon in NYC, my mom was early for an appointment and decided to have a nice lunch by herself at The Russian Tearoom. The place was packed, and people were waiting. That didn’t deter my mom without a reservation.
“Table for one.”
The Matre’d smirked and looked at her as though she was from Omaha. In his affected tone he said, “We are completely booked. You know, Liza is in town.”
“Liza who?” My mom snapped.
Liza Minelli was performing on Broadway, so The Russian Tearoom was booked up for weeks by the pre- theatre lunch crowd. Mom was unimpressed. Plus, she thought Liza was a no-talent.
“I’ll never forget when Ed Sullivan had a surprise guest and Liza sang and I thought, ‘She’s terrible. She must know someone in the business.’ Well, turns out her mother was Judy Garland. Uch.”
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Herman, my mom’s fourth husband, took her to Cannes one summer. They stayed at a fancy shmancy hotel. The Carlton. (She remembered the name of the hotel and recalled the gorgeous terrace for this story, not the celebrity she met.) Herman’s deceased son was a big time Entertainment lawyer in the 70s and 80s and sadly died at age 36 of a brain tumor. Herman recognized a former client of his son’s and introduced himself. This client gave Herman a big hug, told him how much his son meant to him and invited Herman and my ma to sit with him and his wife.
I was at the market when my sister’s and I got a group text from mom from the south of France.
“Who’s Bono?”
And there was a picture of my mom with Bono! (And how crappy is it that no one saved it so I could post it here!)
I probably knocked over a shelf of apples and frantically texted back, my sisters and I replying in a frenzy-- “U2!” And “WTF?” And “How did you meet him?”
After telling us about Herman’s connection she said, “This Bono left his table a mess.”
And of course I wondered if she followed him to the bathroom and waited for a whiff of celebrity.
I do believe that my mom would have swooned had she met Christian Dior in 1956. I wrote about My Fancy Mom here.
Let’s chat. I really want to know—
Which celebrity would make you swoon— if any?
Do you swoon?
Isn’t “swoon” an odd word?
Did you watch the Harrison Ford video? Admit it.
Henry Winkler played “Fonzie” or “The Fonz” on the hit TV sitcom, Happy Days. It ran for 10 years! 1974-1984.
Sally Field starred in the TV movie version of the 1973 book, Sybil, based on a true story of a woman with 16 personalities. Field broke out of her Gidget type-casting and proved herself to be a “real” actress.
My mom lived in Ireland for a year, during her fifth marriage, which didn't pan out. She and that husband rented a beautiful but very narrow townhouse in Dublin, and when I called her one day, she said, "Oh, I just had tea with the next door neighbor, who's looking to buy this townhouse to combine with his. He's called The Edge, apparently in some famous band. Maybe you've heard of him?" Yes mom, I said, I've heard of him. Everybody has heard of him.
So, between us, our moms have met half of U2.
One ski trip I was washing my hands when another woman was using the sink next to me. She had the longest nails I had ever seen. It was Streisand…she was very friendly:)