What My Profile Would Look Like If I Were In The Dating Market

(Do people say "Dating Market?")

Where did this idea come from? As I gratefully age, I notice physical changes. Chronic back pain and digestion issues are the biggies. So, I wondered what my dating profile would look like if I was single. (Just a post, hubby. Love ya, babe.)

(Disclaimer: For the sake of comedy, I exaggerate. Hubby wanted me to say that.)

SWF seeking a homebody. (Not a recluse. There’s a difference.)

Let’s take a class together… on zoom.

Explore boring foods with me.

We can take a romantic walk… down the driveway.

Travel… to local events… that don’t last more than a couple of hours.

Let me cook a delicious meal for you… no gluten, dairy, soy or corn and definitely no sugary dessert.

Take a long luxurious bath… I’ll run the hot water for you.

Like a bold Cabernet?... I’ll pour you a glass.

Love to hike amongst the Mountain Hemlocks, Western Junipers and Red Alders? You’re on your own.

Let’s hold hands and watch a movie… in the family room. I’ll critique it for you after, especially if there are too many formulaic problems. If you hear me groan during a scene it’s because of trite characters without an arc. (Not only do I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, but I am afflicted with the Screenwriter disease.)

Lose your glasses? Borrow mine. We can laugh about our Strabismus together.

My favorite thing to do in bed? Read.

Laundry? I can bend down not over.

You may warm my heart, but I could be having a hot flash.

Need to go to the doctors? I have great parking karma.

Must love doing nothing.

Interested? Call me at the phone number Hollywood movies always use, 555-5555.

What would stand out on your profile?