This is such a great story. And that photo of your mother is magical! This story made me laugh. I only had one experience with a hitchhiker. My friend and I were heading out to shop, probably about 20 years old. We were in a familiar neighborhood and it was raining. An old woman was standing on a corner in the rain hitchhiking. I said to my friend, oh my goodness, that poor old woman,.we need to pick her up. We stopped and she climbed right in, no questions asked. We weren't two minutes down the road when we both realized we'd made a big mistake. The things she began saying were scary. It was clear there was some problem, we both were scared she was going to hurt us. My friend was driving and she quickly informed the woman that we were only going to a certain corner and that she'd have to get out. Two blocks later, she pulled over and the woman left without incident. But I have to tell you, for a few minutes I was sweating it. That cured me of hitchhikers. But I do believe in helping others when we can. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane.
hey parrents and ppjs ...all like wtf is wrong with tjis bitch and y cant i say shes nit rightor rt!? i think we convwrtin to THe ET A!
#pta
#mocktails
Mock trial skit, with the parents being “questioned” about drugs, then flipping into over-the-top “thug” personas and joking about sharing. This keeps it playful and satirical, highlighting the absurdity of parental double standards.
Mock Trial Skit: “The Parents Are On Trial” (Drug Interrogation Scene)
Scene: Cross-Examination – The Drug Question
Judge (Kid 1):
Next case: “The Mystery of the Missing Gummy Bears... and Other Substances.”
Prosecutor, proceed.
Prosecutor (Kid 2):
Parents, you always act shocked when you find out kids know about drugs by first grade. But you also act like you know everything.
So, under oath:
Have you ever done drugs?
Parent 1 (squirming, then suddenly acting tough):
Yeah, maybe I have. What of it?
Parent 2 (leaning in, “thug” style):
And if you kids can get access to all these drugs by first grade,
(slaps the table)
why don’t you share with us, huh?
Back in my day, we had to walk uphill both ways just to get a Tylenol!
Parent 1 (playing along):
You’re holding out on us! You got the hookup?
I see how it is. All this talk about “sharing is caring,” but when it comes to snacks or... other stuff, suddenly it’s “find your own, Mom!”
Sibling (deadpan):
So you want us to share our... “resources” now?
Parent 2 (winking):
Hey, if you’re running a pharmacy out of your backpack, at least give your old man the family discount!
Parent 1 (mock whisper):
And don’t think we didn’t notice the “special brownies” at last year’s bake sale.
(pauses, then both parents break character and laugh)
Judge (Kid 1):
Order! Order!
So, to summarize:
When it comes to drugs, parents want to act shocked, act tough, and apparently, act like they want in on the action.
Prosecutor (Kid 2, shaking head):
And you wonder why we get confused about the rules.
(Optional Musical Tag)
All (singing, playful):
“If you’re gonna judge, at least be fair,
Don’t act shocked, then ask us to share!
Let’s talk it out, let’s keep it real,
No double standards, that’s the deal!”
This scene lets the parents go full “thug” for comic effect, poking fun at generational hypocrisy and the way adults sometimes act like they’re above it all-until they want in! It keeps the tone light and self-aware, perfect for a family or school comedy skit.
hey parrents and ppjs ...all like wtf is wrong with tjis bitch and y cant i say shes nit rightor rt!? i think we convwrtin to THe ET A!
#pta
#mocktails
Mock trial skit, with the parents being “questioned” about drugs, then flipping into over-the-top “thug” personas and joking about sharing. This keeps it playful and satirical, highlighting the absurdity of parental double standards.
Mock Trial Skit: “The Parents Are On Trial” (Drug Interrogation Scene)
Scene: Cross-Examination – The Drug Question
Judge (Kid 1):
Next case: “The Mystery of the Missing Gummy Bears... and Other Substances.”
Prosecutor, proceed.
Prosecutor (Kid 2):
Parents, you always act shocked when you find out kids know about drugs by first grade. But you also act like you know everything.
So, under oath:
Have you ever done drugs?
Parent 1 (squirming, then suddenly acting tough):
Yeah, maybe I have. What of it?
Parent 2 (leaning in, “thug” style):
And if you kids can get access to all these drugs by first grade,
(slaps the table)
why don’t you share with us, huh?
Back in my day, we had to walk uphill both ways just to get a Tylenol!
Parent 1 (playing along):
You’re holding out on us! You got the hookup?
I see how it is. All this talk about “sharing is caring,” but when it comes to snacks or... other stuff, suddenly it’s “find your own, Mom!”
Sibling (deadpan):
So you want us to share our... “resources” now?
Parent 2 (winking):
Hey, if you’re running a pharmacy out of your backpack, at least give your old man the family discount!
Parent 1 (mock whisper):
And don’t think we didn’t notice the “special brownies” at last year’s bake sale.
(pauses, then both parents break character and laugh)
Judge (Kid 1):
Order! Order!
So, to summarize:
When it comes to drugs, parents want to act shocked, act tough, and apparently, act like they want in on the action.
Prosecutor (Kid 2, shaking head):
And you wonder why we get confused about the rules.
(Optional Musical Tag)
All (singing, playful):
“If you’re gonna judge, at least be fair,
Don’t act shocked, then ask us to share!
Let’s talk it out, let’s keep it real,
No double standards, that’s the deal!”
This scene lets the parents go full “thug” for comic effect, poking fun at generational hypocrisy and the way adults sometimes act like they’re above it all-until they want in! It keeps the tone light and self-aware, perfect for a family or school comedy skit.
Great story, but I laughed at the confession of unlocking the door for the tooth fairy! And the placemat bit! In a quiet sushi restaurant and all. You're not an attention seeker at all, are you?!
Love this story. Reminds me of when I was six or seven. A stranger in a parking lot asked my parents for a ride down the road. He said he needed to get home. So we gave him a ride. A few miles later, he pointed to a liquor store. “You can drop me off there,” he said. My parents were like, “I thought you said you needed to get home.” He acted all innocent. “Did I? Weird.”
So they dropped him off at the liquor store. As he got out, he leaned his head into the car and said, “Can you wait here and give me a ride back to where you picked me up?”
I love this story so much! Would that times were still such that we could hitch or pick up hitchers—be fleeting lifelong influences on each other, open each other up! I’d hitchhike across the country. 💕 (Or maybe it’s more true that I would have in younger days.)
And I love the touch of stories of other moms.
Mine made the curtains for Ruby the van and has on her wish list travel with Holly in the van for a bit (which I love, though I’m not sure she’d actually love it). Maybe for a night or two. ;)
Oh, my goodness! I LOVE this story about your mother and what a LOOKER! She's a babe (No surprise, there--you're gorge!) But Audrey Hepburn eat your heart out! And what a poignant and innocent era it was... that enabled her to pick up Hitchhiker Jesus and have this memory with you all. Gimme some skin! Thank you for this great mum's day piece. 😂
This story left me with a very smiley feeling in my heart. How cool of your mom to demonstrate trust for her girls. Even though it was more safe back then, I still don’t think a lot of parents had the same attitude as yours. Hitchhiker Jesus RULES. And this image will stay with me forever! “The hitchhiker’s afro looked like a halo, the embedded comb God’s fingers.”
This was amazing, CK! Loved it. My mom, who's the kindest person I know, has a habit of telling me minute details of unimportant things, and forgetting to tell me very important things. Like, I'll hear all about her lunch with a friend--where they went, what they talked about, what was eaten--and then later she'll say something along the lines of, "So after your father's procedure this Thursday..." and I'm like "WHAT?"
How did your mother get guitar signed by Barry White???
An amazing tribute to your beautiful Mom and many other Mom's of Substack. When I was young a young woman from our town had a fatal, bad experience when hitchhiking so I have always been a little frightened of it. However, before there was a bus running to the ski hill we would pick up the young folks who were hitchhiking up the mountain and I have often picked up some of the indigenous folks who need to get to and from their reserve (they have the best stories) so my sons grew up with that.
Love this. Except for the fatal news story. I want to know your stories from original Canadians. I’m working on an essay about my Native American friend.
This is so sweet and wild. I was in the "stranger danger" generation, so never would have DREAMED of begging anyone to stop for a hitchhiker. You are lucky to have had such a charming experience. Good on Mom...and YOU.
When I was a preteen, my mother and I were looking up at the pendulous nest of an oriole. Out of the blue she said, "that nest looks like a scrotum." That was the only sexual thing she ever said to me.
This is what happens - a random comment prompts a long forgotten memory (i.e. dating back to the mid sixties) and then I start thinking about why my adolescent brain made the clever decision to 1) store the memory; and 2) retrieve it at a moment's notice to great and wondrous effect.
Now I am channeling my mother's tone of voice as she described a scrotum, perhaps the most unsexy of all genitalia. I think she was passing me her words of wisdom, as if the visual of scrotum was known only to properly married women. She didn't want me to suffer her same surprise at the great reveal when the time came.
CK, this was absolutely beautiful to read. It speaks not only of your amazing mother but of a totally different (simpler) time. No mother with 3 Littles in the car nowadays would dream of picking up hitchhikers. Especially ones of color, which is a crying shame. You were lucky to have such a cool mom ❤️
Your mom sounds amazing. What a wonderful memory. The thing I associate most with my mom is her ability to look on the bright side of absolutely anything, no matter how dark or dire it really is.
This is such a great story. And that photo of your mother is magical! This story made me laugh. I only had one experience with a hitchhiker. My friend and I were heading out to shop, probably about 20 years old. We were in a familiar neighborhood and it was raining. An old woman was standing on a corner in the rain hitchhiking. I said to my friend, oh my goodness, that poor old woman,.we need to pick her up. We stopped and she climbed right in, no questions asked. We weren't two minutes down the road when we both realized we'd made a big mistake. The things she began saying were scary. It was clear there was some problem, we both were scared she was going to hurt us. My friend was driving and she quickly informed the woman that we were only going to a certain corner and that she'd have to get out. Two blocks later, she pulled over and the woman left without incident. But I have to tell you, for a few minutes I was sweating it. That cured me of hitchhikers. But I do believe in helping others when we can. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane.
Oh wow. Thats scary. Sad that we have to question before helping someone out.
Yes a little, but the experience didn't quash my want to help others, just made me cognizant to be a little more savvy, so to speak.
hey parrents and ppjs ...all like wtf is wrong with tjis bitch and y cant i say shes nit rightor rt!? i think we convwrtin to THe ET A!
#pta
#mocktails
Mock trial skit, with the parents being “questioned” about drugs, then flipping into over-the-top “thug” personas and joking about sharing. This keeps it playful and satirical, highlighting the absurdity of parental double standards.
Mock Trial Skit: “The Parents Are On Trial” (Drug Interrogation Scene)
Scene: Cross-Examination – The Drug Question
Judge (Kid 1):
Next case: “The Mystery of the Missing Gummy Bears... and Other Substances.”
Prosecutor, proceed.
Prosecutor (Kid 2):
Parents, you always act shocked when you find out kids know about drugs by first grade. But you also act like you know everything.
So, under oath:
Have you ever done drugs?
Parent 1 (squirming, then suddenly acting tough):
Yeah, maybe I have. What of it?
Parent 2 (leaning in, “thug” style):
And if you kids can get access to all these drugs by first grade,
(slaps the table)
why don’t you share with us, huh?
Back in my day, we had to walk uphill both ways just to get a Tylenol!
Parent 1 (playing along):
You’re holding out on us! You got the hookup?
I see how it is. All this talk about “sharing is caring,” but when it comes to snacks or... other stuff, suddenly it’s “find your own, Mom!”
Sibling (deadpan):
So you want us to share our... “resources” now?
Parent 2 (winking):
Hey, if you’re running a pharmacy out of your backpack, at least give your old man the family discount!
Parent 1 (mock whisper):
And don’t think we didn’t notice the “special brownies” at last year’s bake sale.
(pauses, then both parents break character and laugh)
Judge (Kid 1):
Order! Order!
So, to summarize:
When it comes to drugs, parents want to act shocked, act tough, and apparently, act like they want in on the action.
Prosecutor (Kid 2, shaking head):
And you wonder why we get confused about the rules.
(Optional Musical Tag)
All (singing, playful):
“If you’re gonna judge, at least be fair,
Don’t act shocked, then ask us to share!
Let’s talk it out, let’s keep it real,
No double standards, that’s the deal!”
This scene lets the parents go full “thug” for comic effect, poking fun at generational hypocrisy and the way adults sometimes act like they’re above it all-until they want in! It keeps the tone light and self-aware, perfect for a family or school comedy skit.
Wow. Thx for commenting. My first “scripted” reply. Love the banter and having to climb mountains for a Tylenol. Hehe.
hey parrents and ppjs ...all like wtf is wrong with tjis bitch and y cant i say shes nit rightor rt!? i think we convwrtin to THe ET A!
#pta
#mocktails
Mock trial skit, with the parents being “questioned” about drugs, then flipping into over-the-top “thug” personas and joking about sharing. This keeps it playful and satirical, highlighting the absurdity of parental double standards.
Mock Trial Skit: “The Parents Are On Trial” (Drug Interrogation Scene)
Scene: Cross-Examination – The Drug Question
Judge (Kid 1):
Next case: “The Mystery of the Missing Gummy Bears... and Other Substances.”
Prosecutor, proceed.
Prosecutor (Kid 2):
Parents, you always act shocked when you find out kids know about drugs by first grade. But you also act like you know everything.
So, under oath:
Have you ever done drugs?
Parent 1 (squirming, then suddenly acting tough):
Yeah, maybe I have. What of it?
Parent 2 (leaning in, “thug” style):
And if you kids can get access to all these drugs by first grade,
(slaps the table)
why don’t you share with us, huh?
Back in my day, we had to walk uphill both ways just to get a Tylenol!
Parent 1 (playing along):
You’re holding out on us! You got the hookup?
I see how it is. All this talk about “sharing is caring,” but when it comes to snacks or... other stuff, suddenly it’s “find your own, Mom!”
Sibling (deadpan):
So you want us to share our... “resources” now?
Parent 2 (winking):
Hey, if you’re running a pharmacy out of your backpack, at least give your old man the family discount!
Parent 1 (mock whisper):
And don’t think we didn’t notice the “special brownies” at last year’s bake sale.
(pauses, then both parents break character and laugh)
Judge (Kid 1):
Order! Order!
So, to summarize:
When it comes to drugs, parents want to act shocked, act tough, and apparently, act like they want in on the action.
Prosecutor (Kid 2, shaking head):
And you wonder why we get confused about the rules.
(Optional Musical Tag)
All (singing, playful):
“If you’re gonna judge, at least be fair,
Don’t act shocked, then ask us to share!
Let’s talk it out, let’s keep it real,
No double standards, that’s the deal!”
This scene lets the parents go full “thug” for comic effect, poking fun at generational hypocrisy and the way adults sometimes act like they’re above it all-until they want in! It keeps the tone light and self-aware, perfect for a family or school comedy skit.
Very engaging sentences! Novelistic. On the Road!
Great story, but I laughed at the confession of unlocking the door for the tooth fairy! And the placemat bit! In a quiet sushi restaurant and all. You're not an attention seeker at all, are you?!
My kids were my best audience. I used to say that I should have raised them to be casting directors. I would have been a working actor.
Been to Mort's Deli. Family in Tarzana.
How did I not know this? Who is fam in Tarzana? I grew up in Encino.
Dad's side -- double cousins
Love this story. Reminds me of when I was six or seven. A stranger in a parking lot asked my parents for a ride down the road. He said he needed to get home. So we gave him a ride. A few miles later, he pointed to a liquor store. “You can drop me off there,” he said. My parents were like, “I thought you said you needed to get home.” He acted all innocent. “Did I? Weird.”
So they dropped him off at the liquor store. As he got out, he leaned his head into the car and said, “Can you wait here and give me a ride back to where you picked me up?”
My parents declined the request. 🤣
Haha. Great story. Thx for sharing. Was this in Texas?
Yes indeed. I think it might’ve been a dry county, so the guy needed a ride over the county line, where the liquor store was located.
I love this story so much! Would that times were still such that we could hitch or pick up hitchers—be fleeting lifelong influences on each other, open each other up! I’d hitchhike across the country. 💕 (Or maybe it’s more true that I would have in younger days.)
And I love the touch of stories of other moms.
Mine made the curtains for Ruby the van and has on her wish list travel with Holly in the van for a bit (which I love, though I’m not sure she’d actually love it). Maybe for a night or two. ;)
Hitchhiking across the country! There’s a memoir.
Your mom sewed curtains? So sweet and at the same time so momish— her daughter should have privacy.
Set a date for a road trip with mom!
Right?!
And yes, the perfect mom gift.
And you are SO right!
Oh, my goodness! I LOVE this story about your mother and what a LOOKER! She's a babe (No surprise, there--you're gorge!) But Audrey Hepburn eat your heart out! And what a poignant and innocent era it was... that enabled her to pick up Hitchhiker Jesus and have this memory with you all. Gimme some skin! Thank you for this great mum's day piece. 😂
She was a Jewish Audrey. I miss this innocent time.
This story left me with a very smiley feeling in my heart. How cool of your mom to demonstrate trust for her girls. Even though it was more safe back then, I still don’t think a lot of parents had the same attitude as yours. Hitchhiker Jesus RULES. And this image will stay with me forever! “The hitchhiker’s afro looked like a halo, the embedded comb God’s fingers.”
Thx so much. 🥰🙏
This was amazing, CK! Loved it. My mom, who's the kindest person I know, has a habit of telling me minute details of unimportant things, and forgetting to tell me very important things. Like, I'll hear all about her lunch with a friend--where they went, what they talked about, what was eaten--and then later she'll say something along the lines of, "So after your father's procedure this Thursday..." and I'm like "WHAT?"
How did your mother get guitar signed by Barry White???
Haha. Thats hilarious. The salad was wilted but doesn’t mention her hip surgery.
Mom doesn’t remember! I asked her and she didn’t remember how they met but said he came to the house a few times!
An amazing tribute to your beautiful Mom and many other Mom's of Substack. When I was young a young woman from our town had a fatal, bad experience when hitchhiking so I have always been a little frightened of it. However, before there was a bus running to the ski hill we would pick up the young folks who were hitchhiking up the mountain and I have often picked up some of the indigenous folks who need to get to and from their reserve (they have the best stories) so my sons grew up with that.
Love this. Except for the fatal news story. I want to know your stories from original Canadians. I’m working on an essay about my Native American friend.
That’s cool!
Also, I love the way you started this essay! Brilliant writing.
Th sweetie. 🥰🙏
This is so sweet and wild. I was in the "stranger danger" generation, so never would have DREAMED of begging anyone to stop for a hitchhiker. You are lucky to have had such a charming experience. Good on Mom...and YOU.
When I was a preteen, my mother and I were looking up at the pendulous nest of an oriole. Out of the blue she said, "that nest looks like a scrotum." That was the only sexual thing she ever said to me.
Haha! And not even sexual. More biological. Thx for sharing. 👏👏🙏
This is what happens - a random comment prompts a long forgotten memory (i.e. dating back to the mid sixties) and then I start thinking about why my adolescent brain made the clever decision to 1) store the memory; and 2) retrieve it at a moment's notice to great and wondrous effect.
Now I am channeling my mother's tone of voice as she described a scrotum, perhaps the most unsexy of all genitalia. I think she was passing me her words of wisdom, as if the visual of scrotum was known only to properly married women. She didn't want me to suffer her same surprise at the great reveal when the time came.
Haha. The memory is surprising and a mystery. And obviously your mom was projecting her own shock. Haha.
CK, this was absolutely beautiful to read. It speaks not only of your amazing mother but of a totally different (simpler) time. No mother with 3 Littles in the car nowadays would dream of picking up hitchhikers. Especially ones of color, which is a crying shame. You were lucky to have such a cool mom ❤️
Thx, Kristi. It was such a different time. I miss the innocence.
Your mom sounds amazing. What a wonderful memory. The thing I associate most with my mom is her ability to look on the bright side of absolutely anything, no matter how dark or dire it really is.
That’s a true quality! Positivity bias.