I didn’t cry because organic carrot juice was $16 or artichokes were $5.99 each.
I didn’t whimper over the veteran without legs in the wheelchair feeling for ripe oranges. Ok. My eyes welled up and I thanked him for his service.
I didn’t cry over spilt milk.
I didn’t blubber because the women’s room was overrun with toilet paper on the floor along with used menstrual pads. I was angry. Ladies! Really? The toilet paper goes in the toilet and there’s a receptacle for your pads.
I didn’t bawl when I scanned my lottery ticket at the vending machine and there were no mechanical bugles indicating a win.
I didn’t wail along with that four-year-old whose mother wouldn’t let him plonk a chocolate bar in the wagon after he saw me tossing one in mine. (I soooo wanted to sneak him a square.)
But when I bought the birthday card for my dad I wailed audibly. He turned 90 in December and my sisters and I made him a party last week.
“You ok?” Said a Fred Meyer Grocery Store associate.
“You guys (sniffle sniffle) sell not just one birthday card for a 90-year-old but two! Two different styles. Bah-a.”
“Yes. We like to have choices.”
“They’re $5.69 each. Ba-ha.”
“I know. Cards are inflated.”
“That’s not why I’m crying. My dad… my dad can take walks and think clearly. He can still explain investing as my eyes glaze over at diversification. I didn’t know DEI was a thing in the stock market—“
“I don’t think that means—“
“I’m sobbing because my dad is alive. He’s okay! He’s okay!” I blubbered.
The Fred Meyer associate continued slapping on prices with her sticker machine.
I caught my breath, and when I wiped my nose with the back of my hand the associate said, “Tissues are on aisle 24.”
Did you ever sob in a public place?
What else is new?
BWAHA. I'm dying over here with that conversation. "Tissues are on aisle 24." I've never cried in the grocery store, but I've certainly LMFAO'd. In the card section.
You put his picture on the cake? How grand! Does your Dad look a bit like Milton Berle?
Happy Belated! And a sneaky way to get your kids to come - smart girl!