We were just in Italy 🇮🇹 in July. I wish I knew of all of this before we went. Thanks to this article I’m prepared for next summer when we go again. Thanks! 🙏🏽
Sounds like a great trip. I can't say I'd buy the hot priests calendar, but I'd definitely rent-an-Italian! As a solo traveller, having a local buddy would just be fantastic.
Also, happy to offer rent-a-Kiwi service if you ever make it to Aotearoa New Zealand.
No, not talking about the bird, or the fruit, human residents of the country refer to ourselves that way.
Dolce and Gabanna are pretty easy to recognise, but I think it was only Dolce or Gabbanna - the little one anyway with the longer hair. Also Mr Armani!!!! Unmistakeable. Also I decided if they were middle-aged with large sunglasses, surrounded by women who were stick thin and 6 feet tall, with photographers everywhere - they were likely to be SOMEBODY, even if I had no idea who!! I'm trying to remember when, about 2014 I think.
I love Italy and figured out a way to make quite a few trips there over the years. Here’s some things I learned about visiting Rome:
Pro tip #1. If you are driving to a specific location in a big city, the best Italian to rent is a local taxi driver who will happily lead you to your destination for a reasonable fare. Saves hours, and if riding with one’s spouse, heads off a lot of directional unpleasantness. Also, don’t worry about getting lost on walking trips. If you don’t know how to get back to your hotel, just hire a taxi. I like doing it that way because you can explore heedlessly.
Pro tip #2. Spend an entire day just at St. Peter’s. Start at the top and work your way down, and by top, I mean the little cupola on top the great dome. Here’s how to do it: when standing in the plaza while facing the front of St. Peter’s, there is a small alleyway on the right side of the portico. Enter the alleyway and you will find an elevator you can ride to the roof behind the statues on top the portico. The statues are just giant blocks of unfinished stone on the backside, which seemed a little cheap. Once on the roof, there is a door that opens to a walkway inside the dome that circles around a long way up above the altar. You can look up and you can look down and you will feel that funny tingle because the space is so massive.
Not far from the door through which you entered the dome, there is an amazing staircase between the inner and the outer dome that allows one to climb a very long, steep, narrow set of steps with head room that leans more and more to the right until at last you reach a little spiral staircase that leads to a doorway that opens out to a small walkway around the base of the cupola and gives you a 360 degree view of Rome.
I sometimes sit for hours on a long stone bench on the left side of the portico where a wooden gate opens from time to time as Swiss Guards exit as they change the guard. It’s worth the time just to get a closeup view of their pants. How do they iron those things? Also, it’s a great place to people watch. I’ve spent hours chatting with nuns from around the world, but I can’t give any advice about the availability of a hot nun calendar.
Pro tip #3. When visiting the Sistine Chapel, and before you enter, turn off your mobile phone, remove the battery and SIM card, and put the bits in separate pockets so you don’t suffer my fate. As I stood with strained neck staring in wonder at the brilliance of the ceiling, my phone vibrated in my pocket, so I went out to answer it and found out from a lumberyard in Glenn Burnie, Maryland that my order of teak flooring had arrived.
Pro tip #4. The helmets worn by at least some of the fake Roman soldiers hanging out around the Colosseum are made of plastic, as are the breast plates. The Coliseum is simply amazing even though it’s surrounded by a traffic almost circle.
Pro tip #5. You can’t even begin to imagine the vastness of the collections of the Vatican Museum in a half day.
I could continue, but my one last piece of advice is to spend at least a week in Rome, and if you can, walk, walk, walk. There are delights everywhere. Even if you do spend a week, figure out a way to do it again. If you say it’s for a business conference, I will happily provide a travel report template to placate your boss. (They always worked fine for me.)
Finally, Rome is eternal, but we aren’t. Put it on your bucket list.
Sep 15·edited Sep 15Liked by Good Humor by CK Steefel
I love this post! I loved getting the first bit of your trip in my inbox, filled with your hilarious writing! Where'd you get the name "Ercole?" So funny! Can't wait to hear about the rest of the trip! Enjoy and happy anniversary!
This is a most delicious post on all levels--people, food, fashion, art and somehow even priests! It sounds like you are having a magnifica experience. I can also relate to the toll ticket fiasco--right down to the kerfuffle in the car when you realize you might get stuck and all those Italians in cars behind you will start getting mad because you had no idea what to do! We had no 'rent an italian' in our car, so I was not my best self that day. The toll booth guards must see us North Americans from miles away.
Hot priest calendar (is that for real, OMG??!) Sign me up.
Sistine Chapel? Sign me up.
Michelangelo and Valentino, both within walking distance? Sign me up.
All in all sounds fabulous!
Lastly, I'm just making a wee assumption here but it sounds like Mother of the Bride dress shopping for a swank wedding in Italy could get a tad stressful. You might need to rent an Italian for that!
Loved this! I am a confirmed anti-traveler, which means I have avoided actually traveling anywhere (only left the country once, when 12 traveling through Canada with my parents, and when I was in late 30s with husband and daughter in whirlwind through London, Pairs, Dublin that was a nightmare. But I love reading about other people's travel so this was great fun!
Your Italy experience sounds fantastic! I am so intrigued by the cultural attitudes and differences across the regions. The Northern Italians are much more Swiss in outlook. American experience with Italians is shaped by the movement of Southern Italians to America. It seems these regional differences make it hard to govern. You are luckiest of all. I think when we travel, to have the voice of a local is the most important thing or we will just miss the boat. You hit the jackpot because you have a local for life.
I would buy the hot priest calendar, only to send it to Phoebe Waller-Bridge (which I'm sure is far from an original idea/gesture). Congrats on the upcoming wedding! Wishing your daughter and her future hubs all the happiness their hearts can hold. xo
Could I rent that Italian Priest? Jeez! (Swoons at desk). This reminds me of the service they have as part of the Swedish tourist board where you can ring a random Swede and ask any sort of burning questions you might have about the country... it's hilarious when they do it here on QI: https://youtu.be/zUrYRdIxYp8
Would you buy a hot priest calendar? No. Even though he was pretty hawt, no. Just. No. LOL I was baptized as Catholic, but I'm not practicing ANY type of religion. Despite its popularity, I would never visit the Vatican. Not impressed with men who can't seem to keep their hands (and other body parts) to themselves.
Would you rent an Italian? But you have to return him by midnight. If I was with a group, yes. If I was solo, not a chance. Even if there's possibility for eye candy. That sounds like a Without a Trace episode waiting to happen. Speaking of eye candy, when you mentioned that, I thought you were talking about the people (specifically men) , not fashion. BWAHA.
Best Advice When Traveling in Italy
this was hilarious. i'm dead.
We were just in Italy 🇮🇹 in July. I wish I knew of all of this before we went. Thanks to this article I’m prepared for next summer when we go again. Thanks! 🙏🏽
Sounds like a great trip. I can't say I'd buy the hot priests calendar, but I'd definitely rent-an-Italian! As a solo traveller, having a local buddy would just be fantastic.
Also, happy to offer rent-a-Kiwi service if you ever make it to Aotearoa New Zealand.
No, not talking about the bird, or the fruit, human residents of the country refer to ourselves that way.
I'm sorry what's the number for rent an Italian again??? 😂 so funny
so funny! i was literally laughing out loud!
Dolce and Gabanna are pretty easy to recognise, but I think it was only Dolce or Gabbanna - the little one anyway with the longer hair. Also Mr Armani!!!! Unmistakeable. Also I decided if they were middle-aged with large sunglasses, surrounded by women who were stick thin and 6 feet tall, with photographers everywhere - they were likely to be SOMEBODY, even if I had no idea who!! I'm trying to remember when, about 2014 I think.
I love Italy and figured out a way to make quite a few trips there over the years. Here’s some things I learned about visiting Rome:
Pro tip #1. If you are driving to a specific location in a big city, the best Italian to rent is a local taxi driver who will happily lead you to your destination for a reasonable fare. Saves hours, and if riding with one’s spouse, heads off a lot of directional unpleasantness. Also, don’t worry about getting lost on walking trips. If you don’t know how to get back to your hotel, just hire a taxi. I like doing it that way because you can explore heedlessly.
Pro tip #2. Spend an entire day just at St. Peter’s. Start at the top and work your way down, and by top, I mean the little cupola on top the great dome. Here’s how to do it: when standing in the plaza while facing the front of St. Peter’s, there is a small alleyway on the right side of the portico. Enter the alleyway and you will find an elevator you can ride to the roof behind the statues on top the portico. The statues are just giant blocks of unfinished stone on the backside, which seemed a little cheap. Once on the roof, there is a door that opens to a walkway inside the dome that circles around a long way up above the altar. You can look up and you can look down and you will feel that funny tingle because the space is so massive.
Not far from the door through which you entered the dome, there is an amazing staircase between the inner and the outer dome that allows one to climb a very long, steep, narrow set of steps with head room that leans more and more to the right until at last you reach a little spiral staircase that leads to a doorway that opens out to a small walkway around the base of the cupola and gives you a 360 degree view of Rome.
I sometimes sit for hours on a long stone bench on the left side of the portico where a wooden gate opens from time to time as Swiss Guards exit as they change the guard. It’s worth the time just to get a closeup view of their pants. How do they iron those things? Also, it’s a great place to people watch. I’ve spent hours chatting with nuns from around the world, but I can’t give any advice about the availability of a hot nun calendar.
Pro tip #3. When visiting the Sistine Chapel, and before you enter, turn off your mobile phone, remove the battery and SIM card, and put the bits in separate pockets so you don’t suffer my fate. As I stood with strained neck staring in wonder at the brilliance of the ceiling, my phone vibrated in my pocket, so I went out to answer it and found out from a lumberyard in Glenn Burnie, Maryland that my order of teak flooring had arrived.
Pro tip #4. The helmets worn by at least some of the fake Roman soldiers hanging out around the Colosseum are made of plastic, as are the breast plates. The Coliseum is simply amazing even though it’s surrounded by a traffic almost circle.
Pro tip #5. You can’t even begin to imagine the vastness of the collections of the Vatican Museum in a half day.
I could continue, but my one last piece of advice is to spend at least a week in Rome, and if you can, walk, walk, walk. There are delights everywhere. Even if you do spend a week, figure out a way to do it again. If you say it’s for a business conference, I will happily provide a travel report template to placate your boss. (They always worked fine for me.)
Finally, Rome is eternal, but we aren’t. Put it on your bucket list.
I love this post! I loved getting the first bit of your trip in my inbox, filled with your hilarious writing! Where'd you get the name "Ercole?" So funny! Can't wait to hear about the rest of the trip! Enjoy and happy anniversary!
This is a most delicious post on all levels--people, food, fashion, art and somehow even priests! It sounds like you are having a magnifica experience. I can also relate to the toll ticket fiasco--right down to the kerfuffle in the car when you realize you might get stuck and all those Italians in cars behind you will start getting mad because you had no idea what to do! We had no 'rent an italian' in our car, so I was not my best self that day. The toll booth guards must see us North Americans from miles away.
Where to begin on the fun of this post? Hmmm...
Rent an Italian? Sign me up.
Hot priest calendar (is that for real, OMG??!) Sign me up.
Sistine Chapel? Sign me up.
Michelangelo and Valentino, both within walking distance? Sign me up.
All in all sounds fabulous!
Lastly, I'm just making a wee assumption here but it sounds like Mother of the Bride dress shopping for a swank wedding in Italy could get a tad stressful. You might need to rent an Italian for that!
Loved this! I am a confirmed anti-traveler, which means I have avoided actually traveling anywhere (only left the country once, when 12 traveling through Canada with my parents, and when I was in late 30s with husband and daughter in whirlwind through London, Pairs, Dublin that was a nightmare. But I love reading about other people's travel so this was great fun!
Your Italy experience sounds fantastic! I am so intrigued by the cultural attitudes and differences across the regions. The Northern Italians are much more Swiss in outlook. American experience with Italians is shaped by the movement of Southern Italians to America. It seems these regional differences make it hard to govern. You are luckiest of all. I think when we travel, to have the voice of a local is the most important thing or we will just miss the boat. You hit the jackpot because you have a local for life.
I would buy the hot priest calendar, only to send it to Phoebe Waller-Bridge (which I'm sure is far from an original idea/gesture). Congrats on the upcoming wedding! Wishing your daughter and her future hubs all the happiness their hearts can hold. xo
Could I rent that Italian Priest? Jeez! (Swoons at desk). This reminds me of the service they have as part of the Swedish tourist board where you can ring a random Swede and ask any sort of burning questions you might have about the country... it's hilarious when they do it here on QI: https://youtu.be/zUrYRdIxYp8
Would you buy a hot priest calendar? No. Even though he was pretty hawt, no. Just. No. LOL I was baptized as Catholic, but I'm not practicing ANY type of religion. Despite its popularity, I would never visit the Vatican. Not impressed with men who can't seem to keep their hands (and other body parts) to themselves.
Would you rent an Italian? But you have to return him by midnight. If I was with a group, yes. If I was solo, not a chance. Even if there's possibility for eye candy. That sounds like a Without a Trace episode waiting to happen. Speaking of eye candy, when you mentioned that, I thought you were talking about the people (specifically men) , not fashion. BWAHA.
Wuz up? How YOU doin'?
As someone who is planning a trip to Florence next spring, I found this very entertaining and informative. Thank you!