Are You Pillow Picky?

the plight of the perfect pillow

My BIL, Rich, was on a 25-year mission to find NOT the best coffee, Nasdaq stock, or airport lounge. No. His goal was to find the perfect pillow.

My sister told me that he finally discovered it when they were traveling through Germany 10 years ago. They had a one-night layover in an obscure boutique hotel in Munich. After a long flight his head hit the pillow ready for shut eye, but his eyes popped open. He sat up and looked back at the fluffy mass—

Rich-- I found it! This is it. Vicki, wake up.

Vicki mumbled-- Super.

Rich laid back down and fell asleep.

In the morning, with the impending airport shuttle arrival, Rich grabbed the pillow and tried to punch it into his suitcase as though it was a large marshmallow.

I imagine the proceeding conversation went like this—

Vici— What are you doing?

Rich—I’m taking this pillow.

Vicki— You can’t just steal a hotel pillow.

Rich— Why not? We still have that washcloth from our honeymoon in Cap Ferrat.

Vicki— No we don’t. I used it to clean up dog vomit 15 years ago. I had to throw it out.

Rich-- You don’t understand. I travel a lot for work. You and I like to travel. I’ve slept in hundreds of hotels… Plus, I never liked the ones at home.

Vicki— I thought you liked them. Not too hard not too soft.

Rich— This one is super supple. Distinctive down.

Rich held it up like it was a Fabergé egg.

Rich—I slept like a puppy.

Vicki—I slept okay, I guess.

Rich poked at Vicki’s pillow.

Rich—It’s not the same. Feel mine. It’s got flawless feathers.

Vicki poked it.

Rich-- No no. Give it a good squeeze. Lay your head on it.

She did.

Vicki—It’s okay.

Rich— “Okay?” This is prime pillow. It has the perfect puff.

Vicki— It’s square. I won’t be able to find a case for it.

Rich— We can have one made. I must have this pillow.

Vicki— Let’s ask the front desk if we can buy it.

Rich grabbed the phone before Vicki said, “Let’s ask—“

Rich— Hello? You speken de English? … No? Uh, I want. To. Buy. Pillow. For sleep… Yes, we slept. Very well. No one speken de English?… Yes. We check out now.

Rich hung up, forlorn but not swayed.

Vicki looked at the clock.

Vicki— We gotta go! The shuttle is here.

Rich— How do you know?

Vicki— Germans are always on time. It’s a fact.

Rich tried again to squeeze the pillow into his suitcase.

Vicki— What if we get caught?

Rich shrugged, determined.

Vicki— We’re in Germany. They don’t like us here.

Rich— Uh, 1945 called. They want World War II back. Besides, they owe us.

Rich didn’t steal a pillow that day. But he did find the perfect plushy pillow at a store near their home. The pillow was purchased.

Saleslady— We just got in a shipment from Germany.

People And Pillows

Their story got me thinking. There must be many Rich’s out there. I posted on Notes asking for stories.

Ofifoto said, “There’s nothing interesting about my endless search for the right height and firmness… It’s a real pain in my neck...”

Those were probably the first words uttered 9000 years ago in Mesopotamia when the pillow was made from a carved-out rock. This was to keep the head elevated so bugs wouldn’t find a home in one of our 7 orifices.

Talk about firm. The first pillow fight must have been bloody.

Later, the Greeks and Romans said, “Screw the rock, this hay is kinda bouncy,” and they wrapped it in fabric. It is my philosophy that because they slept so well, they were able to have some nice ideas about math and medicine, like, Pythagoras cutting a square in half and calculating its dimension, or Hippocrates suggesting “The Theory of the Four Humors" and he wasn’t a comedian. Perhaps it was the advent of a comfy pillow that allowed them the good sleep needed to build a global empire.

Here’s a fancy interpretation of what I just said.

Switter of Switter’s World, who writes about exotic locales, prefers sleeping on a rock-- well, maybe with a rolled-up towel. He’d feel right at home time traveling back to ancient Iraq. He’s used to hotels without a head rest. The $3 per night “hotel” in Somalia had cardboard walls and a woman giving birth on the other side. In Accra, Ghana, the sheets were so upsetting he went to the lobby, bought a newspaper and slept on an article about African entertainment and Parliament appointments.

After an injury and finding the perfect puff, by CB Mason , who writes about dystopian worlds, said, “I now have three of the same pillows. One on my bed at home. One I leave at my parent's house. And one that I travel with anywhere we drive and stay the night. I also have a travel sized version of my pillow (a half pillow) that I take on airplane trips.” CB’s perfect pillow is like this one.

Life (un)Learned by Kim Van Bruggen, a reformed workaholic, still misses her seed husk pillow that she slept on for 20 years. A bolstered buddy, a cushioned companion that was discarded during downsizing. “It was heavy as sh-t but it molded where you needed it and kept your head cool.” She hasn’t been able to replicate this padded protection since.

Lindsey Smith, professor and parent, described this picture for me…

“I do not actually sleep with this many pillows! I sleep with a slightly excessive but totally reasonable 3 pillows: one for my head, one for between my knees… and one that I use to prop myself up at 5:30am while I mainline coffee and read Substack. My husband, on the other hand, is a wildlife ecologist who has often slept directly on the ground with nothing but a balled up sweatshirt for a pillow. As a result, he likes to make fun of me by stacking every available pillow in the house on my side of the bed. As you can see, he's sleeping with a single small pillow- but also our dog, who ends up taking up half the bed. My question is, who's actually more ridiculous: me, for sleeping with a few measly pillows, or him, for cradling his giant poodle every night as if it were a toddler's stuffy?”

Photo provided by Lindsey Smith

Pillow Inventions

Curious.

When our son was 10 he wanted to invent a pillow with a secret snack compartment in case he woke up hungry.

Now he’s a mechanical engineer helping to save the world. He still snacks at night.

As for hubby and me? We use the mushy pillows Vicki and Rich gave us 25 years ago when they were moving, (don’t worry, our feathered friends are washable) and Rich began Operation Plucky Pillow.

Meme by Sun_shine123

Meanwhile, I had a startling discovery. When we were in Italy for 2 weeks in September we slept in various hotels with pillows of all different shapes, sizes and contours. Same goes for the mattresses. I had the best sleep for the entire two weeks EVER.

The moral of this story is-- it’s not the pillow it’s the place. (And obviously, vacay.)

I really want to know—

1. Do you love your pillow or are you pillow picky?

2. Are you on a mission to find the forever fluff?

3. Have you ever tossed something then later regretted it?