What Are You Wearing... when you write?

Chris Stanton's ideal environment; his brilliance is in the details

1. Do you have your own office space or share a space? Ie: Kitchen/kitchen table, guest room/office or a particular cafe?

I have an office. Besides my desk, there are the bookcases you see behind me in videos, along with some meaningful items, including family photos; a shadowbox containing an autographed copy of Steve Martin’s book, The Pleasure of My Company; what I refer to as The Chairman’s Corner, which is all Frank Sinatra stuff; and an ever-growing Batman collection. Yes, you read that correctly.

2. The space itself— Messy, anal or in between?

To use a metaphor from a different superhero, clutter is my kryptonite. I don’t do well in mess—I can’t relax or fully concentrate. My self-analysis is that I need things around me to be orderly because my brain is chaotic.

3. Are you able to write anywhere?

Not really. If there’s a lot of activity around, no. If I’m somewhere relatively calm and quiet, like a coffee shop, I can. Wearing AirPods playing white noise helps.

4. Where’s the weirdest place you’ve written?

New Jersey. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Probably in a hotel lobby in New York City during a blackout. Or in a hospital waiting room before I had surgery.

5. Preferences— Paper or keyboard? (chalkboard or whiteboard?) If paper— pencil, pen or quill? Why?

I’m all over the place. Sometimes I start things on my laptop, sometimes on my iPad, sometimes in a regular notebook. However it happens, everything ultimately goes into my writing software.

6. Big ass computer or delicate ballerina laptop?

Laptop and external monitor. And iPad.

7. Low desk, standing desk, both? Chair—The Staples special? Aerodynamic? Opulent tufted leather? Or my favorite— In bed with a tray?
(Screenwriter Dalton Trumbo wrote in the bathtub. Do you also hope he refilled the water every half hour? At least he didn’t take meetings there like Potus Johnson.)

Regular desk. I understand the benefits of standing desks, but for me, writing is shifting uncomfortably in my chair. It’s leaning back and resting my legs on my desk. It’s leaning forward and laying my arms and head on the desk when something’s not working. It’s idly opening drawers, looking for answers that aren’t in there. Writing while standing up sounds like a punishment you’d get in grade school. As for the chair, I’ve had the same one for over 20 years. It’s a little busted now, so I upgraded two years ago to a well-known brand. Tons of people with back problems swear by it. I ended up swearing at it. I have no idea why, but for me, it was essentially a medieval torture device. So I went back to my old one.

8. Snacks in your drawer or nearby? What’s your fav?

If I kept snacks in my office then I’d really have to get a new chair, because I’d either break it or outgrow it.

9. Do you break for lunch, children, a cuddly dog or iguana?

I break around lunchtime to take my dog, Brady, for a walk. It makes both of us happy.

10. Coffee? How many cups? If not coffee, what’s your Drink of choice? Why that libation?

Forget standing desk—without caffeine I’d need a sleeping desk. I walk Brady in the morning as well, and while we’re out and about, I order Dunkin coffee through the app so it’s ready by the time we get there. I’ll usually have a canned cold brew coffee in the afternoon and a Pepsi Zero later. And I always have water next to me.

11. Wardrobe— Socks or slippers? Naked or clothed? Sweatpants? shorts? Jammie’s? Designer suit? Describe.

It depends on the weather and time of day; I have no lucky writing pants or anything. I don’t think I’ve ever written naked. Do you think there could be an Only Fans audience for live nude humor writing? I could try out jokes on them while posing seductively. I even grossed myself out with that one.

12. How long does it take you to write an essay for Substack?

Too long. It’s hard to say because it isn’t linear. I write in dedicated blocks as well as in-between things throughout the day, when I can put in 10-20 minutes. So I don’t know, but including writing and editing, it’s a fairly big chunk of time, because it’s hard to get into a flow with fits and starts.

13. Planner or pantster? (Pantster is one who flies by the seat of his pants.)

Definite pantser. I’ll have an idea of where I want something to go, but I don’t outline or map things out. I imagine that will change if I ever write a novel. I winged the first one I tried to write and didn’t finish it.

14. What’s your process?

For Substack, I put ideas in my notes app, so I’ll look through those or think of something else I want to write about. Again, I do everything that follows in spurts over the course of a week. I try to get a first draft down without too much editing along the way, so that draft always sucks. Then I edit on screen. After that, I print it out and try to fix problems, make it funnier, make sure it flows well, etc. I make those changes on screen, then print it out and do it again. I usually do that about three times. Then I copy it into Substack, and read it out loud. There’s something about looking at a piece in different ways that makes me notice different things. If something isn’t hitting my ear right, I change it. Then I record the voiceover, add the Subscribe button, and schedule it to publish.

15. How do you shake off writer’s block?

I’m not sure I believe in writer’s block anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t come up dry or have trouble writing sometimes. When inspiration isn’t there, I have to create the right conditions to lure it in. It’s usually some combination of just sitting and thinking, taking a walk while putting it out of my mind, and journaling. Often, one or more of these results in accidental naps. This is also a huge reason why I don’t keep snacks in my office. When I get stuck, I’d try to eat my way out of it.

16. With whom do you share your idea or writing with first?

No one.

17. Who is the last person(s) you would share your work with?

My employers. I don’t think they’d find some of my essays amusing.

18. Do you get unbelievably annoyed when interrupted?

I mostly get interrupted by my job, so I have no right to get super annoyed. And yet I do. Very, very much.

19. Do you want to get back to writing now?

I do, but first I want to thank you, Carissa, for asking me to do this. I’m honored to be your first interviewee for this series and look forward to learning about all who follow!

Chris Stanton is a writer and the proprietor of Stantonland, a virtual amusement park whose attractions include sharp humor and a funhouse mirror reflecting life's absurdities. When he’s not writing things he hopes will make you laugh, he’s writing things his clients hope will make you buy stuff.

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No need for the flashing APPLAUSE sign. I know you’re giving Chris a standing O!

Fire away with questions and kvelling. (Yiddish for lots o’ compliments.)

I do have to ask Chris— did you stage any of these photos? ie: Laptop opened to your Substack? 😁