“My response to any of these word extremists? You do you. Just don’t tell me how to do me.”
Pro tip, in a situation like that, skip the pronouns and just use names. Really not that difficult. Doesn’t come off as hostile. LGBTQ people put up with a lot of BS. It’s probably just being sick and tired of being expected to always do the emotional work.
Use names (emotions are uncomfortable in a given situation) and you might even make a friend who sees you trying.
Most cis people have no appreciation of the concept of emotional labor and just how exhausting it can be to always be accommodating and explaining.
A difficult post for me to read, because there’s so much I disagree with. Still, you make some excellent points. I don’t like labels, I find people on either end of the political spectrum difficult, and I’d rather be funny than political.
Like Terry F., I remember the days of reasonable discourse. I miss those days.
This is such a great article! It is filled with humor and humanity. It is really baffling and terrifying to me how people can so sharply and unapologetically shut down another person that they disagree with: the teachers and students you describe on that campus are so cold and narrow in their thinking. I do feel we have a problem with so many young people not understanding how damaging socialism can be. I think this is because our high schools don't really teach U.S. history from the 1960s onward - the school year is usually over before they can teach all the events up to the early 2000s.
I loved your article. I loved the humor you interjected in it and loved the life lessons portrayed. From reading these comments it’s clear to me that we, as a society, are suffering from a lack of faith. Whether it’s religion or belief, Americans have veered away from concentrating and what’s good to seeing only the bad. I don’t believe in everything that Charlie stood for, but as an American he had the right to set up his tent in the quad and engage in discussions. Why people thought he was spewing hate is beyond me.
I really appreciate you telling your story here, Carissa. Like Jennie mentioned, I also started watching some of Charlie Kirk's videos to get a better idea of who he was and context around the things people were quoting. While I didn't agree with many of his views—and disliked the way he expressed some of them—I became aware of some big mischaracterizations about him that were being promoted. I also respected that he aimed to have civil conversations with people who disagreed with him.
I'm saddened by the hate and intolerance you and your fellow students experienced. It's staggering that someone would try to mow Katie down in a parking lot. The fact that anyone of any political persuasion thinks they have the moral high ground when name-calling, spewing hate, and committing violence is beyond me. And preventing exposure to different points of view doesn't do students any favors or help them to see the humanity in those they disagree with.
Here is the problem with colleges in the US. The AVERAGE grade in college is 3.18. Are kids smarter today? No. Kids have no idea what socialism or communism is, they confuse the two. Instructors know to give good grades or else. Gen Z is so anxiety-ridden. Can you imagine the kind of parents they will be in 20 years? Scary. if anybody thinks today's youth will save the world deserves to think again.
The problem with socialism is that it works some times. Example: Cuba has socialism and if you break your arm it cost 50 dollars for medical costs, In the USA the cost is 8000 dollars. The other problem with the antisocialist is they believe that cooperation is a bad thing and all things in life need competition. I honestly believe the future will be a mash-up of capitalism and socialism.
I think you need an article on explaining to people the difference between humor and jokes.
Hi Carissa. I am progressive, and I have done a bunch of research since Charlie’s unfortunate death which has revealed how frequently his words are taken out of context to provoke rage. I now feel a responsibility to find where a quote came from (from ANYONE) and watch the entire conversation to get a better understanding of what was actually being said. I wish more people would do this. I pointed out a misquote in a comment thread two days ago and was immediately dubbed a nazi sympathizer. It’s so sad because if they had stuck around for a discussion, they would have discovered I am, in fact, an ally.
I do want to ask, because I have friends in Holland, which is a successful example of a socialist country, why you feel it “has never worked.” But I am asking to self educate and not to provoke an argument.
Thx, Jennie. I want to cry because of your kindness here and researching transcripts and videos.
Holland has social programs. That’s the difference. Social programs are different from a socialist government like Venezuela, Cuba— which turned into Communist, N Korea, etc.
Thank you for the clarity. I am so humbled by the realization that anytime I feel compelled to shout something like “WTF? Socialism totally works!!!” that there is a very good chance I know only a small snippet about what I actually need to know. I will not forget that it was Charlie Kirk’s legacy that taught me to be better. 🩵
We lived in a small town where the kid's played baseball in the summer. As time went by my youngest wanted to play baseball but there wasn't enough to field some teams, so I took him and his older brother to a larger nearby city that had teams. Both of my boys enjoyed playing summer ball and made some new friends.
I was asked one weekend if my youngest could spend the night with one of his friends. I had got to know them, and they were a really nice couple. The boy's mom told me that they were Catholic and would be going to Mass the next day and could my son go with them. I told them "Yes, it would be good for him to learn other religions". I was Methodist and my boys were going to a private school that was at a Church of Christ school.
She told me that everything was going great till the priest ask all the children to come to the alter. He did this about once a month to check the children's knowledge of the Bible. The prize was a St. Christophers medal and necklace. The priest would ask a question and my youngest would answer. You had to get all the questions correct to get the necklace, so they never went past the first couple of questions.
My son answered all the questions, and the priest was talking to him an announced that they had a winner. He said " We have a young man here that not only is he not Catholic, but he lives in the town nearby. He is also Methodist and attends a Church of Christ school and one of his subjects is the Bible." The priest was also caught off guard because he didn't have the medal, but he ordered it and awarded it to my son at one of his baseball games. What became of that young man? He is a proud father of two after spending time in the military. He now recruits kids for the company he works for. He gets them into trade school so the company he works for will continue to have technicians to work on John Deere farm equipment.
It saddens me to hear stories of intolerance in educational settings. My children attended a Christian high school. My son questioned Christian faith. The teachers encouraged him to speak up and raise challenging questions. They argued that asking tough questions and having the freedom to speak openly and honestly was the only way to grow in your faith. If they had shut him down and levied punitive responses, who knows how he’d feel about religion today. He still doesn’t have a Christian or any other religious faith that I’m aware of, but I know that those teacher’s tolerance and willingness to allow him to speak freely helped him keep an open mind. I believe this has helped him treat others with opposing viewpoints in the same manner. Kids are highly impressionable and do stupid things. I know, because I was once one of them, too. But adult faculty and administrators doing that? That’s so utterly disappointing.
Thx, Joseph for this comment. Your son’s school sounds wonderful. It must be a relief to know that you not only raised your kid to be tolerant but also respectful.
Thank you for sharing this, Carissa. A wonderfully written piece, with your trademark humour, honesty, and warmth. I don't want to detract from the importance of your message here, but I would love to hear more about your plans to become a nurse, and the journey.
Haha. I realized after posting that I didn’t finish that part of the story. One req was to become an CNA— Certified Nursing Assistant and work for 6 months. I took the class, became a CNA and got a job at a memory care facility and quickly hurt my back. The bending, reaching and lifting was the end of my potential nursing career.
Oh, that's awful. The bending and lifting is a big issue for lots of nurses, especially in aged care. I think it's fabulous that you had a “second act” goal and went for it. No loss in that, even without the career to follow. Life is full of learning and growth opportunities, if we’re open to them.
Hi, I am a very progressive person on a number of issues. Guns rights for one; having spent a lot of time in other countries where there are way fewer guns, I always feel more safe- and often in those countries (including places in South America and Asia), they are afraid to come here because they are terrified of all of our guns. They also have way fewer gun deaths. I strongly disagree with Charlie’s stance that some childhood gun deaths (the top cause of death for American kids) is acceptable. And it angers me literally daily that I have to worry about my babies getting shot in school. That said, I agree with you on many points, including that everyone has the right to speak and also that the left has grown quite intolerant (ironic, as you note, given the anti-fascist approach). Though I do see censorship on both sides (eg, people should also be allowed to criticize Charlie Kirk). To me this is one of the biggest goals I have as a professor: teaching students to think critically and argue honestly and effectively. We’ve totally lost our ability to converse and disagree! We should be able to be like “I don’t agree with that policy approach” without condemning the other person as evil, insane, stupid, etc. As an example, on gun rights, though I feel strongly about it, I can accept and even empathize with my dad and father in law who feel the opposite to me. We can agree to disagree and that’s ok.
Alright, way too long of a comment here. I hope people are kind to you in the comments and always.
Would you ask yourself what actually changed in your country for actual school shootings to begin to occur and happen regularly? Would you, then, ask the question what is the difference between current day America and the gunless countries you visited? Elders in my country always taught us to look not only at the end result, but what led to it.
The most important lesson we all learned living under communist rule is that armed people do not willingly board train boxcars.
When my kids were in a Jewish day school I felt they were safe with the armed guard out front. Jewish day schools have always gotten bomb threats or threats a of violence. Once school started the doors were locked and if anyone came during school hours they had to ring the bell, look into a camera and announce themselves— including a parent who had to pick up her kid early. When I go to synagogue there are armed guards. And now more than ever. If the Jews were armed in CO when a nut threw flames at them they could have defended themselves. Too many stories like this one. We have armed guards at banks and baseball stadiums I don’t see anything wrong with one at schools. My opinion from a personal experience.
Yeah...I still regularly think about that mass shooting at the synagogue in Pittsburgh. It's horrible that anyone should have to live in that level of fear. I feel it so much already for my kids and so I truly can't imagine what it's like being worried on top of that that your kid could be a victim of a hate crime. It viscerally hurts to even think about. Based on my experience and understanding of gun violence in other countries, I'd personally respectfully disagree about the policy solution (I prefer fewer guns to more), but I also hold complete empathy for your position. And, I can see nuance: while my preference would be to reduce the # of guns in society, not increase them, I can see how while we are living through our current situation, it may be more realistic to think needing increased armed security in lieu of other options.
Actually, this has sparked my curiosity. I visited Israel about a decade ago for a month to visit a dear friend and when I was there, I was really surprised at the number of armed guards everywhere. It made me realize that the people there are constantly living under extreme security threats (perhaps obvious, but it's one thing to know it and another thing to see it). As a result, my friend and her friends were totally unruffled by all the guns on the street. I'm curious if perhaps that has also influenced your view? It would make total sense. I'd like to think that we in the US are not living under such levels of threats but I can also totally understand, especially the way things have escalated in recent years, why many would feel that way.
I’m glad you went to Israel! I hope you had time to visit the historical sites.
When we were in Israel I felt safe with all these “kids” at bars, restaurants and bus. Many were on leave from the IDF. I didn’t like that it had to be that way and I never liked the fact that Jewish institutions around the world have always needed armed security. It’s a sad, awful necessary fact.
Great article, capturing exactly why it's impossible to reason with so-called progressives. Im old enough to remember when it was possible to disagree with someone and then go for a coffee afterwards. In fact I've been working on an article about that. Love the Abbott and Costello reference!
Hi Henry, yes you’re right of course. I suppose I have confirmation bias because literally EVERY piece of nastiness I’ve seen in the last few years has been from the “so-called “progressive” left.
I seperate far left from progressives. I see progressives as regressive. Liberals are more moderate and centrist. Labeling here I know. I guess I’m trying to make sense of certain groups.
Hello
“My response to any of these word extremists? You do you. Just don’t tell me how to do me.”
Pro tip, in a situation like that, skip the pronouns and just use names. Really not that difficult. Doesn’t come off as hostile. LGBTQ people put up with a lot of BS. It’s probably just being sick and tired of being expected to always do the emotional work.
Use names (emotions are uncomfortable in a given situation) and you might even make a friend who sees you trying.
Most cis people have no appreciation of the concept of emotional labor and just how exhausting it can be to always be accommodating and explaining.
Great advice, Shayne. Thx! 🙏
A difficult post for me to read, because there’s so much I disagree with. Still, you make some excellent points. I don’t like labels, I find people on either end of the political spectrum difficult, and I’d rather be funny than political.
Like Terry F., I remember the days of reasonable discourse. I miss those days.
Thx for reading and commenting! I too miss those days.
It was wonderful to see you weave so much humour into this piece, while then closing with a sincere and heartfelt message. Wonderful essay. :)
Thank you, Michael. If only humor could save us all.
If only! :)
I seriously LOLed through alot of this article, and then of course you turn us all back to reality. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you, EKB. 🙏🌺
This is such a great article! It is filled with humor and humanity. It is really baffling and terrifying to me how people can so sharply and unapologetically shut down another person that they disagree with: the teachers and students you describe on that campus are so cold and narrow in their thinking. I do feel we have a problem with so many young people not understanding how damaging socialism can be. I think this is because our high schools don't really teach U.S. history from the 1960s onward - the school year is usually over before they can teach all the events up to the early 2000s.
Congrats on such a fantastic piece!
So true. And hiring college professors who support terrorism then teaching kids that killing is the answer. Thx, Pam. 🙏🌺
I loved your article. I loved the humor you interjected in it and loved the life lessons portrayed. From reading these comments it’s clear to me that we, as a society, are suffering from a lack of faith. Whether it’s religion or belief, Americans have veered away from concentrating and what’s good to seeing only the bad. I don’t believe in everything that Charlie stood for, but as an American he had the right to set up his tent in the quad and engage in discussions. Why people thought he was spewing hate is beyond me.
Thx, Vicki. Agree. 👍
I really appreciate you telling your story here, Carissa. Like Jennie mentioned, I also started watching some of Charlie Kirk's videos to get a better idea of who he was and context around the things people were quoting. While I didn't agree with many of his views—and disliked the way he expressed some of them—I became aware of some big mischaracterizations about him that were being promoted. I also respected that he aimed to have civil conversations with people who disagreed with him.
I'm saddened by the hate and intolerance you and your fellow students experienced. It's staggering that someone would try to mow Katie down in a parking lot. The fact that anyone of any political persuasion thinks they have the moral high ground when name-calling, spewing hate, and committing violence is beyond me. And preventing exposure to different points of view doesn't do students any favors or help them to see the humanity in those they disagree with.
Thx, Chris. Thx for reading and commenting. 🙏
Wonderful article.
Thx, Randy. 🙏🌺
Here is the problem with colleges in the US. The AVERAGE grade in college is 3.18. Are kids smarter today? No. Kids have no idea what socialism or communism is, they confuse the two. Instructors know to give good grades or else. Gen Z is so anxiety-ridden. Can you imagine the kind of parents they will be in 20 years? Scary. if anybody thinks today's youth will save the world deserves to think again.
That’s why I volunteered. These kids will one day run for office. We are seeing it already— those who want socialism.
The problem with socialism is that it works some times. Example: Cuba has socialism and if you break your arm it cost 50 dollars for medical costs, In the USA the cost is 8000 dollars. The other problem with the antisocialist is they believe that cooperation is a bad thing and all things in life need competition. I honestly believe the future will be a mash-up of capitalism and socialism.
I think you need an article on explaining to people the difference between humor and jokes.
Thx, Michael. I believe I mentioned in the header that this essay wasn’t going to be funny.
Have you been to Cuba?
Cuba? No. People I have talked to about Cuba are of two minds---hate it, people too pushy, or love it, loved the music.
Your article was funny. Like most comedic writers, you cannot write something totally serious. Your mind works to the humor. Always.
Hi Carissa. I am progressive, and I have done a bunch of research since Charlie’s unfortunate death which has revealed how frequently his words are taken out of context to provoke rage. I now feel a responsibility to find where a quote came from (from ANYONE) and watch the entire conversation to get a better understanding of what was actually being said. I wish more people would do this. I pointed out a misquote in a comment thread two days ago and was immediately dubbed a nazi sympathizer. It’s so sad because if they had stuck around for a discussion, they would have discovered I am, in fact, an ally.
I do want to ask, because I have friends in Holland, which is a successful example of a socialist country, why you feel it “has never worked.” But I am asking to self educate and not to provoke an argument.
Thx, Jennie. I want to cry because of your kindness here and researching transcripts and videos.
Holland has social programs. That’s the difference. Social programs are different from a socialist government like Venezuela, Cuba— which turned into Communist, N Korea, etc.
Thx for reading and commenting. 🙏🌺
Thank you for the clarity. I am so humbled by the realization that anytime I feel compelled to shout something like “WTF? Socialism totally works!!!” that there is a very good chance I know only a small snippet about what I actually need to know. I will not forget that it was Charlie Kirk’s legacy that taught me to be better. 🩵
🙏🙏
I have told this story before:
We lived in a small town where the kid's played baseball in the summer. As time went by my youngest wanted to play baseball but there wasn't enough to field some teams, so I took him and his older brother to a larger nearby city that had teams. Both of my boys enjoyed playing summer ball and made some new friends.
I was asked one weekend if my youngest could spend the night with one of his friends. I had got to know them, and they were a really nice couple. The boy's mom told me that they were Catholic and would be going to Mass the next day and could my son go with them. I told them "Yes, it would be good for him to learn other religions". I was Methodist and my boys were going to a private school that was at a Church of Christ school.
She told me that everything was going great till the priest ask all the children to come to the alter. He did this about once a month to check the children's knowledge of the Bible. The prize was a St. Christophers medal and necklace. The priest would ask a question and my youngest would answer. You had to get all the questions correct to get the necklace, so they never went past the first couple of questions.
My son answered all the questions, and the priest was talking to him an announced that they had a winner. He said " We have a young man here that not only is he not Catholic, but he lives in the town nearby. He is also Methodist and attends a Church of Christ school and one of his subjects is the Bible." The priest was also caught off guard because he didn't have the medal, but he ordered it and awarded it to my son at one of his baseball games. What became of that young man? He is a proud father of two after spending time in the military. He now recruits kids for the company he works for. He gets them into trade school so the company he works for will continue to have technicians to work on John Deere farm equipment.
What a great story, Paul. Go papa! Thx for sharing. 👏🥰🌺🙏
It saddens me to hear stories of intolerance in educational settings. My children attended a Christian high school. My son questioned Christian faith. The teachers encouraged him to speak up and raise challenging questions. They argued that asking tough questions and having the freedom to speak openly and honestly was the only way to grow in your faith. If they had shut him down and levied punitive responses, who knows how he’d feel about religion today. He still doesn’t have a Christian or any other religious faith that I’m aware of, but I know that those teacher’s tolerance and willingness to allow him to speak freely helped him keep an open mind. I believe this has helped him treat others with opposing viewpoints in the same manner. Kids are highly impressionable and do stupid things. I know, because I was once one of them, too. But adult faculty and administrators doing that? That’s so utterly disappointing.
Thx, Joseph for this comment. Your son’s school sounds wonderful. It must be a relief to know that you not only raised your kid to be tolerant but also respectful.
Thank you for sharing this, Carissa. A wonderfully written piece, with your trademark humour, honesty, and warmth. I don't want to detract from the importance of your message here, but I would love to hear more about your plans to become a nurse, and the journey.
Haha. I realized after posting that I didn’t finish that part of the story. One req was to become an CNA— Certified Nursing Assistant and work for 6 months. I took the class, became a CNA and got a job at a memory care facility and quickly hurt my back. The bending, reaching and lifting was the end of my potential nursing career.
Oh, that's awful. The bending and lifting is a big issue for lots of nurses, especially in aged care. I think it's fabulous that you had a “second act” goal and went for it. No loss in that, even without the career to follow. Life is full of learning and growth opportunities, if we’re open to them.
🥰🙏
Hi, I am a very progressive person on a number of issues. Guns rights for one; having spent a lot of time in other countries where there are way fewer guns, I always feel more safe- and often in those countries (including places in South America and Asia), they are afraid to come here because they are terrified of all of our guns. They also have way fewer gun deaths. I strongly disagree with Charlie’s stance that some childhood gun deaths (the top cause of death for American kids) is acceptable. And it angers me literally daily that I have to worry about my babies getting shot in school. That said, I agree with you on many points, including that everyone has the right to speak and also that the left has grown quite intolerant (ironic, as you note, given the anti-fascist approach). Though I do see censorship on both sides (eg, people should also be allowed to criticize Charlie Kirk). To me this is one of the biggest goals I have as a professor: teaching students to think critically and argue honestly and effectively. We’ve totally lost our ability to converse and disagree! We should be able to be like “I don’t agree with that policy approach” without condemning the other person as evil, insane, stupid, etc. As an example, on gun rights, though I feel strongly about it, I can accept and even empathize with my dad and father in law who feel the opposite to me. We can agree to disagree and that’s ok.
Alright, way too long of a comment here. I hope people are kind to you in the comments and always.
Would you ask yourself what actually changed in your country for actual school shootings to begin to occur and happen regularly? Would you, then, ask the question what is the difference between current day America and the gunless countries you visited? Elders in my country always taught us to look not only at the end result, but what led to it.
The most important lesson we all learned living under communist rule is that armed people do not willingly board train boxcars.
Yes, always a good exercise.
Thx, Lindsey. I appreciate your comment.
When my kids were in a Jewish day school I felt they were safe with the armed guard out front. Jewish day schools have always gotten bomb threats or threats a of violence. Once school started the doors were locked and if anyone came during school hours they had to ring the bell, look into a camera and announce themselves— including a parent who had to pick up her kid early. When I go to synagogue there are armed guards. And now more than ever. If the Jews were armed in CO when a nut threw flames at them they could have defended themselves. Too many stories like this one. We have armed guards at banks and baseball stadiums I don’t see anything wrong with one at schools. My opinion from a personal experience.
Yeah...I still regularly think about that mass shooting at the synagogue in Pittsburgh. It's horrible that anyone should have to live in that level of fear. I feel it so much already for my kids and so I truly can't imagine what it's like being worried on top of that that your kid could be a victim of a hate crime. It viscerally hurts to even think about. Based on my experience and understanding of gun violence in other countries, I'd personally respectfully disagree about the policy solution (I prefer fewer guns to more), but I also hold complete empathy for your position. And, I can see nuance: while my preference would be to reduce the # of guns in society, not increase them, I can see how while we are living through our current situation, it may be more realistic to think needing increased armed security in lieu of other options.
Actually, this has sparked my curiosity. I visited Israel about a decade ago for a month to visit a dear friend and when I was there, I was really surprised at the number of armed guards everywhere. It made me realize that the people there are constantly living under extreme security threats (perhaps obvious, but it's one thing to know it and another thing to see it). As a result, my friend and her friends were totally unruffled by all the guns on the street. I'm curious if perhaps that has also influenced your view? It would make total sense. I'd like to think that we in the US are not living under such levels of threats but I can also totally understand, especially the way things have escalated in recent years, why many would feel that way.
I’m glad you went to Israel! I hope you had time to visit the historical sites.
When we were in Israel I felt safe with all these “kids” at bars, restaurants and bus. Many were on leave from the IDF. I didn’t like that it had to be that way and I never liked the fact that Jewish institutions around the world have always needed armed security. It’s a sad, awful necessary fact.
I loved it! I have had a couple of trips since canceled due to Covid or other random events but I really hope I can go back and take my kids.
Great article, capturing exactly why it's impossible to reason with so-called progressives. Im old enough to remember when it was possible to disagree with someone and then go for a coffee afterwards. In fact I've been working on an article about that. Love the Abbott and Costello reference!
Terry, I’d argue that its not impossible to reason with progressives. It’s impossible to reason with far left progressives.
In the exact same way that it’s impossible to reason with those on the far right.
Carissa’s piece speaks to that I think, even though she’s expressing her experiences with the hard left.
Just my opinion.
Hi Henry, yes you’re right of course. I suppose I have confirmation bias because literally EVERY piece of nastiness I’ve seen in the last few years has been from the “so-called “progressive” left.
Same. Most of the Jew hate is from far left “progressives.” I think the nice progressives don’t know that this label has been abducted.
Same in the UK as far as antisemitism is concerned. How could the nice progressives not know? They should come up with another label if they do.
So many people don’t know. They don’t know just how bad the antisemitism is around the world.
Perhaps, being VERY charitable, they don't recognise the subtle forms of it.
Maybe you need to look in other directions. I see nastiness coming from everywhere unfortunately.
Lol. I prefer not to look for it at all! I've seen plenty of nastiness from the right to last for a while!
I seperate far left from progressives. I see progressives as regressive. Liberals are more moderate and centrist. Labeling here I know. I guess I’m trying to make sense of certain groups.
That’s a hard thing to do.
Thx, Terry. It’s sad that it’s only gotten worse. Looking forward to your article.
I remember this as well. Sigh. Excellent article!
Thx!🙏