What were your life events that lead you to realize, “Hey, I’m pretty funny.”
I’ve made a few well-known professional comedians laugh, which means I’m objectively, indisputably funny. I wish I could remember what I said to George Wallace, but whatever it was he laughed and said, “Girl, you’re quick!”
Did your parents encourage your funny side?
Not especially, but they didn’t discourage it. I’ll take what I can get.
How did you nurture your funny side?
As a kid, my sense of humor was informed by everything from Looney Tunes to Steve Martin records to Saturday Night Live and SCTV, although SCTV was on after SNL and I rarely was able to stay up that late.
Do you think you may have inherited your funny bone?
My family on my mother’s side is Jewish, and everyone on that side of the family has a classically Jewish sense of humor, with an emphasis on affectionate teasing and sarcasm. My uncle Evan was the joke-teller. He always had a one-liner at the ready and would answer the phone “Heaven, God speaking!” That slayed me!
When a photographer friend offered a free photo shoot she didn’t have to twist my arm. Did being funny ever get in the way of a relationship?
It hasn’t. What an interesting question. I always try to “punch up” and not make jokes at people’s expense who don’t have the social capital to spare, and the men I have been involved with have loved my sense of humor, and have never been intimidated by it.
If you’re in a partnership, is he or she funny? Was/Is humor a requirement?
I have had two significant romantic relationships in my life, my late husband who I was with from ages 18-46, and an on-and-off boyfriend for about five years after that. They were both really, really funny, and it’s definitely a requirement.
When I got home from the first date I went on after joining Match a year after my husband died, I said to my son:
“The date was a bust. He didn’t make me laugh once.” - Me
“That’s not that hard to do.” - Son
<<laughs>> - Me
“See?” - Son
If you have a funny partner is there ever a joke competition or do you play well off each other?
The two significant men in my life and I played off each other. No competition. We cracked each other up! My boyfriend and I met online and the text banter was Noel Coward/Norah Ephron-level witty.
My current Tinder profile reads, “Describe myself as somewhere on the spectrum between Pollyanna and Plath.” If a man finds that funny, that’s a man for me.Did being a jokester ever get in the way of school or work? How?
There was a time when everyone in my small department was at a conference. I posted a Buzzfeed list of 15 Wildest Office Pranks on Facebook:
“I'm the only person in my dept. in the office today - help me pick a prank! Or share one of your faves. I'm not sure I can pull off the o' bear in the cube trick unless you've got a bear to spare?”
One of the conference-attending co-workers saw it and said, “NO BEARS LARA, FOR THE LAST TIME!” That was all the encouragement I needed!
I made a gazillion photocopies of that bear in all different sizes and totally BEARED her desk. Bears, bears, bears everywhere! Big bears in her bulletin board, several small bears randomly slipped into her box of business cards, and teeny tiny bears rolled up into the tape in her dispenser. Bears!
My boss wandered over to the desk while I was mid-bearing and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Umm… working?”
She thankfully just shook her head and walked away, but I did make an extra effort to work extra hard the rest of the week.
Was anyone ever threatened by your humor?
Goodness, I can’t recall that happening. I hope it hasn’t. If it has, I was oblivious.
Dolled up for a holiday tea party. Can you tell me about a time when you turned something painful into something humorous?
The night my husband died was tragic and chaotic. He had a sudden heart attack, and I was across the country at a work event. I got the phone call, and had to find my boss and tell her what happened, and that I had to leave our event right then to go up to my room and deal with everything that needed to be dealt with.
After the event, my boss wanted to find me, but she didn’t know my room number, and the hotel wouldn’t give it to her, but they said they’d have security escort her to my room.
I heard a knock at the door and looked through the peephole, and my petit little Korean-American boss was standing there with two huge Black male security guards behind her. The visual was so unexpected and so hilarious, I couldn’t help but laugh.
She told me later she remembered I had said my room was by the elevator and she went to each floor, got off, and listened at the doors for someone who was crying. It took her four or five floors before it occurred to her to ask for my room number at the front desk. The image of her skulking around with her hand to her ear listening for tears still makes me smile.
I always include those stories, and several other funny ones, when I tell the story of the night my husband died. There is humor to be found in (almost) everything that happens.
Can you tell me about a time when you couldn’t muster anything funny and how it affected you?
In the weeks before my 40th birthday I was in a super funk. I wasn’t happy with where I was in life and was beside myself upset that my mom and a good friend were planning a small party for me at a Chinese restaurant. I remember getting weepy just thinking about it many, many times. It was the first time I’ve experienced anything like I’d label as depression.
I didn’t consciously do anything to rebound, and it wasn’t as simple as a switch flipping, but I did enjoy myself at the party. It taught me to feel the feelings, and to have faith they won’t last forever.
Can you describe the type of humor you possess? Clever Wit, quick-with-a-joke, physical, goofball, aggressive, self-enhancing, self-deprecating, dark, observational, or one I didn’t think of?
I’m quick-witted, a good storyteller, and skilled at turn of phrase. If I were to answer the Proust questionnaire, my answer to “What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?” would be being stuck talking to someone who can’t hold up their end of the conversation.
If you have kids, when was the first time you made them laugh?
I have one son who is now 24, but when he was a baby, I remember he thought it was HILARIOUS when I would sort of suck in my breath after laughing. Who knows how baby brains work, but that was high comedy! I would laugh, then catch my breath, and he would explode with laughter, which made me laugh, and the cycle would continue.
Did your kid inherit your comedy skill?
My son as a dry, quick wit. And while I don’t believe in astrology, he’s the Libra-est Libra to ever Libra. Balanced. Even-keeled, and keen observer. He says things like:
“There were a lot of treats in class today. I made some poor choices. I’d like to think I learned my lesson, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t.”
“You’ve got to live the blues to sing the blues” (He was 12)
Did your sense of humor change in the last 5 years? If so, how?
Two years ago, a giant oak tree fell on my house. On the house, through the roof. I was displaced from my house for two years and moved 13 times, including 5 times in four weeks. I learned how to read a room quickly and tailor my story to their level of interest, patience, and empathy. It’s a skill I apply to telling funny stories and jokes too. I can tell almost instantly who is gonna track with what.
I’ve also become more considered in my use of sarcasm. I’ve done my share of online dating, and steer clear of men who claim to be “fluent in sarcasm.” My Spidey Sense tells me those dudes’ idea of sarcasm is to make jokes at the expense of people they have actual or cultural power over, and then dismiss their hurt feelings as not being able to “take a joke.” As Oscar Wilde said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”
Was your humor ever mean? What happened? Any regrets?
I honestly can’t recall a time, but I have no doubt there has been. There have been low times in my life when I have tried to make myself feel better by putting others down. Subtly, and in polite company, but it’s a yucky feeling and never really makes me feel better.
What would be the title of your life right now?
It’s Kind of a Long Story…
In the last few years, I found myself writing what were basically first-person personal essays, or what I called “over-long over-shares” on Facebook that were often funny, sometimes sad, and got enough of a response for me to believe I really had something to say that people wanted to hear, which inspired my to start my Substack of the same name this year.
I work in publishing and know very well how hard it is to write a book. How long it takes and how unlikely it is to sell well. I don’t think I have a book in me. I don’t want to be published, I want to be read.
Who is your role model? If you could say anything to this person, what would it be?
Gosh, so many, but the first to come to mind is Dr. Roxane Gay. She’s so smart and funny and honest and vulnerable. I have so much respect and admiration for her.
Lara Starr is a publishing publicist, sometime cookbook author, low-key activist, semi-pro thrift shopper, and has two entries in the Urban Dictionary: Drama Goblin and Sister Ex. Storytelling is her superpower, and she only uses it for good!
She’s currently telling the stories of a select group of PR clients, and publishing a weekly Substack called, It’s Kind of a Long Story… which is about a lot of things, including semi-stalking Jon Hamm (she caught him!) and a multi-part cliffhanger about meeting her Sister Exes, the women with whom she has bonded over their mutual mistake.
https://www.instagram.com/larastarr/
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Drama%20Goblin
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sister%20Ex
Got questions? Lara’s stopping by to chat. I’ll get the ball rolling.
What makes you laugh?
Do you write anything else besides your Substack?
What was the process to get into the Urban Dictionary?
I love the Tinder bio!!
Great interview and I DO adore her hats! xo