Funny AF Woman #12

Tina Neidlein

Hello favorite readers, I am sometimes found in the card aisle at CVS laughing out loud. It’s easy to spend an hour in that section because the cards are so clever. Have you ever wondered who writes these hilarious cards? Today’s Funny AF Woman worked at Hallmark as a comedy card writer for 17 years. Enjoy the interview and hope you’ll check out her Substack. 🙏🏻

1.     What were your life events that lead you to realize, “Hey, I’m pretty funny.”

I don’t know that I’ve ever explicitly thought that. People who think they’re funny can be insufferable, in my experience. I try hard not to think that.

I did recognize myself as an entertainer when I was very young. We had a tense household at times, and I was the baby of the family. I wanted to be heard, and I wanted everyone to be happy, and making people laugh was a way I could achieve both.

Later, those urges would merge with my love for language and help me to learn the mechanics of jokes well enough to work as a humor writer at Hallmark for 17 years. So I guess I could say professionally, I’ve been funny? But there’s a big people-pleasing side to that. The older I get, the less I feel compelled to make sure everyone’s happy. I’m getting unfunnier by the minute, and I’m okay with that!

2.     Did your parents encourage your funny side?

My dad definitely did. He got a real kick out of telling me jokes, and still does.

Gotta bring in my brother Brian, who made me “quit hitting myself” a lot, but is an easy laugher, so I forgive him. It is so easy to get him going. Not long ago, he picked up a book I keep on my coffee table and soon had tears streaming down his face. It was delightful.

3.     How did you nurture your funny side?

I loved joke books and spent all my allowance on them—whatever I could get my hands on at the Scholastic Book Fair. Including one of only aardvark riddles! The ultimate score.  

When I was finally allowed to walk around Richland Mall (Mansfield, Ohio) by myself before meeting my mom, I’d beeline to Walden Books—straight to the back, left side. On the bottom shelf were all the dirty joke books. (Which seem like they should have been much higher?) I’d sit cross-legged and inhale them before running back and pretending I’d been at the Disney Store looking at stuffed animals.

4.     Do you think you may have inherited your funny bone? A funny uncle? Who?

My dad, who has always marveled at wordplay. He was a teacher for 32 years, and was known for putting fake names down on his absence sheet every day—the one sent out mid-morning to hang in all classrooms. If “Mel Ted Snow” or “Chris P. Bacon” was absent, everyone knew Ken Fowler was behind it.

I definitely got my wonderment for words from him, and my love of jokes. I can’t tell you how many times he's asked, “How can you tell a dogwood tree? By its bark!” and laugh-wheezed as though he's never told it.

5.     Did being funny ever get in the way of a close relationship?

Ooh, good question! I dated a guy in college who called things off because I was too much of a smartass. A few months later, he came around and wanted me back. I obliged because of his muscles. My eyes were bigger than my pride back then!

6.     If you’re in a partnership, is he or she funny? Was/Is humor a requirement?

My husband Paul is extraordinarily funny. I need lots of time and typing to think things up. For him, it’s always off the cuff, dry, and perfectly timed. He makes me laugh until I’m doubled-over and crying hysterically at least once a year.

I will say, I give him a hard time over the hardest I’ve ever heard him laugh, which was at himself. A few months ago, I was telling him about a Wham! documentary I’d watched, and when I mentioned a fact I’d learned about “Careless Whisper”—they auditioned eleven sax players before finding The One!—he looked at me confused and asked me to repeat myself. He sat for a moment and then lost his mind laughing: he’d thought I was talking about someone named Carol Swisper. He could not get it together, I swear, for at least an hour.

To this day, there’s a note he wrote on our whiteboard that says “Call Carol Swisper” and he still laughs until his shoulders shake when he sees it.

I will never make him as happy as Carol.

7.     If you have a funny partner is there ever a joke competition or do you play well off each other?

We play well, for sure, and even celebrated our 25th anniversary in April, which I’m really proud of. I’m a g.d. handful! We’re both smartasses and have always gotten through tough situations by making each other laugh, but there’s a huge amount of trust and respect underneath it all.

He’s a very calm and steady guy and has never held me back. I often run pieces by him before I publish them, afraid they go too far, but he is as-yet unfazed. He likes to say, “I know what I married!” I feel very fortunate that I can be 100% myself.

Still, I’m no Carol.

8.     Did being a jokester ever get in the way of school or work?

Yes, for sure. I hid in the coat closet every year when my parents came home from teacher-parent conferences because I knew I’d be in trouble for talking. The school even added a note to my permanent record that I was no longer allowed to be placed in a class with my best friend, whom I distracted so much, her grades started to slip.

9.     Was anyone ever threatened by your humor?

I can’t say that for sure, but there are definitely people you can tell aren’t fans of “strong personalities” (as I’ve been called, sigh) and who maybe like their women a little gentler and quieter.

At Hallmark, I started in the Creative Writing Studio before being moved into the Humor Writing Studio a year later. There was an old-guard dude on the humor staff who made it clear that he was not a fan of working alongside an outgoing 28-year-old woman in a job that was heavily male. That, I don’t know, I hadn’t earned my way there or something? He never once looked at me or spoke to me. Fortunately, he retired shortly thereafter and everyone else was great to work with. Fuck that guy!

10.  Can you tell me about a time when you turned something painful into something humorous?

It’d be easier to tell you about the times I didn’t. Humor is armor, and for me, it’s how I’ve gotten through some very dark days. The people I’m closest to know to make me laugh when things get tough, and I love them for that. I just had coffee last week with a friend seeking guidance for how to help a family member wrestling with anxiety. I said, “Text her funny things. That’s all.” It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it has worked wonders for me.

One of my favorite examples was years ago, when my infant son Ty was wailing in my arms in the middle of the night as I rocked him. I sobbed, too, not knowing how to comfort him and overwhelmed by anxiety. My husband quietly walked into the room, took him from my arms and calmly walked back out, whispering, “I’m going to go list him on eBay.” It was exactly what I needed to shake the anxiety loose and catch a breath.

Sadly, Ty went unsold and we still have him today. He is too big to rock, but very rarely wails, if that makes a difference.

11.  Can you tell me about a time when you couldn’t muster anything funny and how it affected you? How did you rebound from the unfunny funk?

This was one of the biggest lessons I learned at Hallmark. It was my job to write every day, but my brain/moods/horoscope/blood type/barometric pressure/etc. didn’t always cooperate. But Hallmark understood that everyone has a different creative process, and there’s no one way to ensure consistent productivity.

I learned that writing can also be other things, like reading, or taking a walk, or distracting your friends until you get in trouble. Mostly I learned to write absolute shit just to put words down, and guess what? Most of the time, when you come back, there’s something there.

As for a specific time, I went through some dark days after I left Hallmark without a plan. Then I had lunch with a friend who’d left a while before me and gave me the great advice: “Let yourself have bad days.” (Thank you, sweet Mia!) And I remind myself of that all the time. When I started forgiving myself for having bad days, everything turned around. Everyone has funks. The quicker you accept them, the quicker they pass.

12.  Can you describe the type of humor you possess? Clever Wit, quick-with-a-joke, physical, goofball, aggressive, self-enhancing, self-deprecating, dark, observational, or one I didn’t think of?  What’s an example of how you might respond using that humor in a given situation?

Oh boy. Um, inappropriate. For sure. Too punny. I do love weird and have always tried to imitate Jack Handey. I like physical comedy and am a huge Jim Carrey fan—Dumb & Dumber is my Citizen Kane—and recently, I’ve really been gravitating toward casual, conversational styles, like the kind found in Mike Birbiglia’s writing and in the stand-up of the phenomenal Beth Stelling, whom my friend Megan just introduced me to.

13.  If you have kids, when was the first time you made them laugh?

Yes, my unsold son Ty is now 21—and, um…any day now!

14.  Did your kid inherit your comedy skill?

I’d say he inherited my love of pop culture, mixed with his dad’s sense of humor and calm demeanor. He is so slyly dry in a way I aspire to be. He’s had a number of great lines throughout his life, like when he told me I was “the bomb dot gov.” Man, is that genius. 

15.  Did your sense of humor change in the last 5 years? If so, how?

I don’t think so? I’ve been building up a library of what makes me laugh for a very long time.

I guess I could say that I like weirder and weirder stuff, thanks to a few people I’ve found online. And I’m especially taken with artists who write, after having worked with some amazing cartoonists at Hallmark.  

A few I’ve found that I love are Josh Mecouch—I have this print of his framed in my office)—Brooke Barker, and the one I’d give my left arm to be like, David Shrigley. I have this card of his waiting to be framed next.  

16.  Was your humor ever mean? What happened?

Oh, for sure. But I try not to fixate on it. I’m human and have a lot of lessons yet to learn. I’m always trying to find the balance between being kind with being a smartass. It’s a lifelong struggle!

17.  What would be the title of your life right now?

I don’t have one, but I’ll share a friend’s that made me laugh recently. I’m in a daily group text with three former co-workers (all humor writers) to share our NYT game scores.

Of a puzzle that had been obvious after the fact, one, Matt, commented: “In retrospect, doy.” Then another, Dan, jumped in with: “That’s the name of my upcoming poetry book.” I can’t stop thinking about it and laughing. So funny.

18.  Who is your role model? If you could say anything to this person, what would it be?

I have to go with Tina Fey, who wrote my favorite book of all time and created my second favorite show of all time.

I would panic and only come up with, “GET THIS! My name is also Tina!” And it would be awkward. And then I would throw up.

Currently, I write The Panicked Creative, a newsletter that started as a vehicle to share all the tips I’ve accumulated to help grow your writing confidence but has morphed into a place for me to share my own stories, something I’d long preached but hadn’t practiced. I also teach writing and would tell my students to trim that previous, long-ass sentence! But hey, to quote a bumper sticker I once saw, Pobody’s Nerfect.

I’m on a social media hiatus in an effort to quiet my brain, but you can find me on Substack or contact me at tina@tinaneidlein.com.

Questions/Comments for Tina? I have a couple.

1. Do you still get Hallmark card ideas or was that work-inspired only?

2. Was there a want-ad for Hallmark card writers? How did you find out about the gig? (Can you tell I’m intrigued by this chapter of your life?)