"Bridesmaids" and Guys
Why Don’t Guys Like the Movie, “Bridesmaids?”
(See the movie before reading. No, I don’t get kickbacks from that endorsement.)
There are two types of guys: those who love the movie, “Bridesmaids” and those who are horrified. My hubby and 25-year-old son are the latter. When I goaded hubby for the reason, he said, “That scene.”
“What scene?”
“You know, in the bridal shop?”
“When they get food poisoning?”
Hubby almost gagged at the thought.
Every year I have a “Bridesmaids” party… of one. Hubby won’t watch it with me. Even though it’s one of my favorites and I’ve watched “Serenity” with him at least eight times.
“But you like ‘Serenity’.”
“The first time. By the fourth I was getting organized in my brain; grocery list, how else I can make the kids feel guilty for not calling, praying that the kids would call then we’d have to pause the movie so we can chat with our spawn.”
“Oh,” he said disappointed.
“You don’t like talking to the kids?”
“Of course, I want to hear from them. I thought ‘Serenity’ was on your top twenty.”
“Nah.”
He was quietly bummed.
Just try ‘Bridesmaids’ again, pleeeease? You can go get some chips during that scene.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.”
“It bothers you to see women puking and pooping?”
“In the road… the sink. You know I have a gag reflex.”
I crossed my arms at him.
Hubby is no wimp. He watched my c-section. It was an emergency. The doctors removed unrecognizable organs and put them on a table. And when the twins emerged, doc stuffed everything back in again. Oh, and I was vomiting the entire time. Hubby had a front row seat and was fine. He even held the bowl under my mouth. (And, if you recall a recent episode here on the stack, hubby viewed the largest dump of my life. And was a-okay.)
“I know all about your gag reflex,” I said.
Hubby understood the subtext of my statement. For the entirety of our kid’s upbringing, I was the designated vomit cleaner-upper. There was one incident, when we were living in Los Angeles and the kids were maybe two. We were driving on the 405 south, just before the Mulholland exit, and my daughter threw up. It looked like a chocolate soft serve ice-cream oozing from her mouth.
“Oh no, the girl is throwing up,” I said.
Hubby, who was driving, instinctively glanced back at our daughter. That one peek triggered him. He Tokyo-drifted across four lanes, stopped on the shoulder of the freeway, dashed out and threw up into the hillside. (I am hysterically laughing as I type this memory.)
So, what’s the problem with “Bridesmaids” and guys?
My only conclusion is that the two major orifices of five women were erupting at once. It was volcanic in scope, a head on collision of food poisoning and the Special Effects department. But wait— last night we watched an episode of “Shrinking.” Jason Segel has a vomiting scene that was prrrr-etty realistic.
Hubby’s gag reflex? FINE.
And brains hanging out of mashed faces? Not a problem when we watched “Game of Thrones”, “Ozark”, “Fauda...” Heck, hubby was beyond eager to binge “Dexter.” Deduction-- the selective viewing of fake puke, blood or vomit is doable as long as it is spewing out of a guy. Hmmm.
You might be thinking, “What the hell? Is your hubby a chauvinist?” Hardly. He prefers a conversation with a woman over a guy any day because women tend to have more insight and depth. Generally speaking.
He’s also an excellent judge of character and cherry picks which friendships we should nurture.
“What about that couple?” I asked.
“Well, she likes Extreme Ironing Contests and he likes Bubble Football.”
“Nah. I hate ironing.”
Between hubby’s pickiness and moving across country forty times (feels like forty) our friends’ group has diminished. I was never one to have a hundred friends anyway. I always preferred two, maybe three close friends— working gals who are too busy for get-togethers, gossip and complaining. No time for manicures and lunch. Did I mention I’m a homebody?
So, every year I’m on my own. Party of one for “Bridesmaids.” Hubby is not available for this festivity. Instead, he’ll hear me cackling from the family room while he kills monsters (video game) in his office. Anyway, I’m not fond of watching movies with people who don’t appreciate the brilliance and humor of Kristin, Maya, Melissa, Rose, Wendy, Ellie and Rebel.
I’ll continue to try though. And next time my son visits… I guess he’ll play video games with hubby.
Which movie can you watch more than six times?
Do you know a guy who likes the movie, “Bridesmaids?”
Click to comment below. Unless you’re working and don’t have time.
“Tokyo-drifted across four lanes” Hahaha!!!! As the vomit cleaning spouse, I could just picture the chaos. My husband also has a sudden intolerance to bodily fluid when the youngest family member pukes.
Also, I happen to love Bridesmaids. I could definitely watch it six times. Drop Dead Gorgeous is another movie I can watch over and over and never laugh less.
I also have trouble with that scene (ironic because as you know I am not upset by bodily fluids) but I still love the movie! I re-watch rom coms. Alone obviously.